I have our new clerk, Claire, working on getting a band. So far there are a number of options:

I would be honored to play the hurdy-gurdy at the ceremony. Fair warning though — I only know 2 songs: Nickelback’s “Photograph” and “My Heart Will Go On.” My mother will be coming along to sing and my daughter will be doing an interpretive dance. Hope that’s OK.

Please don’t give Alice my contact info. Word is that the last time she was passed over, she put a flaming bag of dog shit on the stoop of the house of the band that was booked instead of her.

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