How to Talk Respectfully to a Person Who Has Different Beliefs
- Consider the education level the person you are talking to has. If the person, for example, only has the equivalent of a high school education/lower in an area where the public schools are faltering, talk about things that relate to their life. If you go into “Feminist Bioethics” (an example of a class at Wellesley College) and blame them for not knowing that information, that’s not their fault.
- Or just gently explain what a concept is, as long as you can back up the information with facts. Who knows, maybe this person knows more about an aspect of life than you do and can teach you. ON THAT NOTE: Be careful which sources you use. Critically think about what you’re reading and consider multiple facets. Some examples of good sources are The Economist and The Wall Street Journal.
- Consider the culture that the person lives in — if the person, for example, grew up in the holler (aka. Appalachia), this person may automatically assume that a ‘damn yankee’ is immediately going to think he/she is stupid, a dumb hillbilly, etc. and thus not want to engage with the ‘damn yankee’. Admit that you don’t think all hillbillies are stupid. Build up trust with this person before discussing an issue.
- If this person is either a strict Republican or strict Democrat, be sure to stick with the facts, but don’t be afraid of criticizing both sides and explain why. Or emphasize that a point of theirs is right (if it is) or agree that a general idea of theirs is right, but gently criticize wrong points they make.
- DO NOT immediately assume the person is racist, sexist, xenophobic, etc. Former Obama voters voted for Trump in the 2016 election because their Obamacare premiums were too high, their manufacturing jobs were shipped overseas, etc., yet they were smushed together with the racist, sexist, and xenophobe Trump voters.
- Don’t immediately nitpick what someone says and assume that he/she is a racist, sexist, xenophobe, etc. Something could have been lost in translation. Bring up what the person said and say, “did you mean to say …”
- Consider other reasons why someone might join a far right or left group. Some of it may be violence or racism, but other reasons could be if a person feels left out of a discussion and is disenfranchised by policies from the government.
- Talk to this person like a normal person. As long as someone doesn’t blindly follow conspiracy theories or isn’t stubborn with their beliefs, they’re willing to listen. He/she just want to feel respected.
- Be open-minded.
MY THEORIES ARE NOT 100% CORRECT. Sometimes, you won’t be able to change someone’s opinion. Or someone might still be offended and claim that you think they’re stupid.
When Bernie Sanders went to McDowell County in West Virginia, which overwhemingly voted for Trump, the people of McDowell County supported Bernie’s propositions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A44dT_5_in4 To some liberals, this would have been unimaginable. Some would have assumed that all folks in McDowell County are racist, sexist, xenophobic, etc. To some conservatives, this would have been unimaginable. Some would have immediatly called Sanders a “socialist”and dismiss his opinions. But education is key. We just have to find the right way to approach it, without immediately going to violence for the answer. That will just make the other side feel even more solid about their opinions.
The idealogy of independent thinking not only applies here, but as far as Senegal. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, the UN went on a campaign against FGM by decrying it and passing laws to outlaw the practice. Guinea passed a law against it in the 1960s with the punishment of hard labor and a death sentence. Though 99% of women in Guinea have been cut.
So what eventually turned Senegal towards being open towards ending the practice? Tostan. “Rather than lecturing the women, the program’s representatives encourage villagers to discuss the human rights and health issues related to cutting and then make their own choices” (Half the Sky, pg. 224).
This may be unthinkable to us Westerners! (Was to me at first, I must admit….) Though “the program broke a taboo by discussing cutting, and once women thought about it and realized that cutting wasn’t universal, they began to worry about the health risks” (Half the Sky, pg. 226).
By considering the culture of the villages, by presenting people with evidence yet leaving them a choice, the program was highly successful. “In 2008, Senegal’s government reviewed all the country’s efforts to end genital cutting, and it concluded that Tostan was the only program achieving significant results” (Half the Sky, pg 227).
Even Sheryl Dunn and Nicholas Kristof, writers of Half the Sky admitted that the UN campaign in the 1970s fell short because “they were decreed by foreigners high up in the treetops. Local people were consulted only in a perfunctory manner” (Half the Sky, pg. 228).
People don’t like being talked down upon or forced to do something if they’re not ready to do it. Try your best and if you don’t, acknowledge that you did everything you could.
Side note: If you’re looking into YouTube channels that allow multiple sides to speak their views, I’d highly recommend listening to Dave Rubin, who formerly worked for The Young Turks.
