Wellesley College FINALLY Solves Sleeping Problems Many College Students Have
With motivating posters hanging around study rooms and comfy couches that are littered with schoolwork, I read the encouraging words that sleep does not equate to competition and that I must put myself before my collegiate duties!
All of a sudden, I felt like I finally understood what it was like to get good sleep. Grade deflation doesn’t matter, my GPA won’t determine which graduate school I would get into, and my work will disappear instantly.
Wow, I didn’t know how much power a poster held!
So I decided to tell the world! But before I changed the planet for the better I slept for a few hours- I had to think of the most creative hashtag I ever could. When I got up, I yawned triumphantly, placed my computer in front of me, and wrote in the hashtag #SleepIsBetterThanAnything and made a campaign to raise money for sleep masks for students. Although I had less progress in this front- some asshole commented that there are “more important things to worry about, like access to water in third world countries.” And someone else commented that “sleep is good, but you have to work too.”
And to those people, I’m sorry, but you’re either on my side or you’re against me. I have to save my precious time for sleep, not debating people as stupid as you. THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT. And anyway, how would these kids in third world countries get water if they can’t remember where to get it, due to lack of sleep?
Campaign update: I am proud to say that I have raised enough money for sleeping masks for the two people who support my campaign! And we are to balance everything we want to do - we have now decided to expand the posters in every building and every thumbtack board around campus with even more powerful hashtags, such as #Sleep, #SleepOverWork, and #OutlawWork.
WATCH OUT WORLD, THE SLEEP CAMPAIGNERS ARE COMING. PROGRESS AND INNOVATION ARE HERE TO STAY!!!
Campaign update: Surprise! We have decided to campaign for something else. I saw a poster that one of the definitions of sexual harrassment is the “white male gaze.” And I realized how true this is- I do admit to feeling uncomfortable whenever a white guy looks my way. Who knows what he could be thinking - who to rape tonight??!! Maybe he’s raping me in my mind and I don’t even know it!!!!! So what I’m going to do is outlaw males on this campus to look towards women. And if they do it, even by accident, us women get to GLARE BACK HARDER!!! And the man also has to come up to the woman/women he stared at and apologize for the insane amounts of OPPRESSION now felt so STRONGLY by us because of HIM. #WhosWithMe?