Learning to Let Go
At nearly 24 years old, I’ve experienced over two decades over abuse, neglect, and mental/emotional traumas. Through my adult life, I’ve seen these same things manifest themselves in the men I’ve decided to date.
I seem to attract nothing but men who are emotionally and mentally unavailable, and it comes through in a multitude of ways.
Guy after guy, it’s always the same story. There’s either a brief interest, and then it plateau’s and then just declines. Or, there’s a sustained interest, but the sustained interest generally lasts after we’ve ended things, leaving me in a state of limbo as the guy won’t fully commit.
I know I’ve walked into these things on my own, and I tolerate them and repeat the same mistakes because I am still learning how to love myself and work through the traumas sustained from years of abuse.
And for the first time, I think I’m actually making progress.
For the first time in my life, I’ve not taken this defeat as some sort of defect or character flaw on my end. For so long I’ve felt inadequate and undeserving of anything real or lasting, because I’ve never received that sort of love or validation from anyone.
In hindsight, that validation I needed, was something I could’ve had all along. Because it was something only I could give myself.
Overcoming fears and anxieties from abandonment and abuse are certainly not a walk through the park, and I don’t think anyone would blame me for going as long as I did without realizing the full weight of what I was carrying all of these years.
But, as I learned to let go of those hurts, and I’ve learned to give myself the validation and love that I have so desperately needed, it’s suddenly just so much easier to walk away with my pieces still fairly assembled. This still hurts, but not nearly as much as I think it would’ve had I not began to address these deeper problems.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to live with the things that weigh you down and burden you so deeply. You don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns. You can find happiness and a more fulfilling life.
You just have to learn to forgive.
You just have to learn to love yourself.
You just have to learn how to be your own support and biggest fan.
You just have to learn that the only validation that matters is the one that comes from within you.
You just have to learn to let go.