Braving the Gap: Lessons from my exit survey

Lately I’ve been called brave — a lot. After almost 20 years working for the same company, I left. I decided it was time to take a much needed break for myself and for my family and then search, with purpose, for my next career adventure. Am I brave? I accidentally stumbled upon a lesson after turning in my exit survey, in which a comment about vaginas perfectly encapsulated my departing statement.

I don’t often type the word vagina into business related surveys. While I freely enjoy giving feedback and sharing my opinions, I do know the proper level of etiquette, and I can be downright masterful at politically correct business language. Given the opportunity to take an online exit survey after giving notice, I jumped right in. When you make a huge life decision, like quitting your job, turns out there are many thoughts and emotions that swirl inside your head. So much so, that maybe I started the survey too quickly without reading the instructions, or maybe there were no instructions to read. Either way, this is how it went.

I clicked the drop-down menu to read the statements associated with my primary reason for leaving. While reading the list I try not to critique the wording choices that could be selected. I do ponder which to select for a bit, picked one, and type my thoughts out. I finish and feel the moment of relief as I clicked the next button only to be confronted with the same drop-down question asking for a secondary reason for leaving. What?!? That was not expected. I might have typed less in the first box if I knew I would be offered multiple boxes. While the button exists to go back, I felt my life choices should move me forward, so onward I go. Once again, I reviewed the drop down, picked another reason and type out my answer. I tried to make some comments in this one that were on policy and applied to all employees who want or need to reduce the time they focus on work. Once again, I’m pretty happy with myself and my responses and I clicked the next button. That is when I land in the free-form text box to add more thoughts. Not one to shy from an empty text box, I shared a major issue for the women who use the first floor women’s restroom. Some may say I started a new vagina dialogue.

Not sure this is verbatim, but I basically said: “The women’s bathroom in my building on the ground floor nearest to the fourth atrium has a handicap stall that allows other women to accidentally see your vagina. The toilet is directly in line with the gap in the door. This vagina viewing is amplified if you are wearing a skirt or dress and have no clothing option that you can hover at knee level for the perception of privacy. In the past years, I have put this annoyance on multiple company facilities surveys and have shared it with an administrative assistant. It’s a quick fix and the gap could easily be covered.” Clicked next. Thank you. Survey done.

There was a post-submission moment when I questioned why I put that on my exit survey, but it passed. Then I started to wonder who reads this survey and how many people will think of me as the woman who used the word vagina in her exit survey. So I decided to explain the situation to my boss (who is a man) and during that conversation I actually drew the stall layout on a whiteboard, to demonstrate the problem. Then I discussed it with the HR representative for our department who turns out doesn’t actually get the survey. Then I shared it with a few friends, because the more I told the story the better it got, and why not talk about vaginas on my last week of work? What are they going to do, fire me? In each case there was amazement, laughter, and agreement. Every woman I told was aware of the gap and avoided using that bathroom stall. And, if the other three stalls were full, many would head to another bathroom or wait instead of using that stall.

Turns out that we (women) knew it was problem, yet it was not getting fixed. No one wants to expose their vaginas yet we accept the status quo. Am I brave? To be brave is to endure or face unpleasant conditions or behavior without showing fear. By that definition any woman who uses that stall is brave. As for me, I need to be more than brave. I need to be heard. I need to see change. I need action and I need to avoid complacency. So, I left my job of almost 20 years, and an offhand comment about vaginas has taught me a lesson.