How Facebook helped me to move on..
So, my first story…be gentle peeps :) I’m not sure if this will be of any help to anyone, or is it cathartic release for me? Probably both as I write this on a cool rainy night on my porch in rural CT..me, crickets, and different critters occasional howls..
I met Heather (not her name, of course) through a mutual ex-girlfriend of both of us, who thought we just might hit it off.
She was right.
From our first date on (I was still a country mouse, she a city mouse), where we went to see the big ol’ tree in NYC, then off for ice cream, then back to her place, where we drank wine, and smooched to 3AM. It grew slowly, as she was coming off out of a tough relationship, but within a few months, we knew we had something special, despite our age differences (me 50, she 30). To us, it was natural, but we got some rude looks, esp when we were out in the country. Heather grew to love those situations, as the snarkier people got, the more she would insist on excessive PDA’s, then look at the offenders, and wink.
God, she was amazing.
I began to spend more and more time in the city, and we eventually decided to make the big move, and co-habitate. We had a fun time, picking out different colors for each room..It was a Feng shui dream! Along with the requisite trip to Ikea, and bed bath beyond. . Sparse, but it was ours. Traveled to the midwest to meet her fam. It took a bit, but I won them over somehow..I think it was me (the jew) taking the wafer at Xmas eve mass that did it, but I can’t swear to it.
Trips to the Caribbean, trying different restaurants, sporting events, city explorations..
Forward a year. Heather was finishing grad school, and she wanted a plan. She was a planner. Marriage, baby, work, happily ever after.
I pushed back. Peter Pan wanted his freedom.
It ended. Back to the country for me. Six weeks later, she calls to let me know she met someone, and it was special. She let me know she was changing her relationship status on FB..of course I was happy for her, but still a pretty good gut punch..then engagement for Heather, then marriage. By then, I had sworn off FB, so i didnt see the gory details. We would occasionally exchange funny texts, but they would always include “we” in her current life.
I broke protocol years later and logged back to FB to give condolences to the husband of a woman that truly had no enemies on the planet. The good do die young, as the cancer got her :( I hung around on FBfor a few weeks , then while at work, flipping through, up came a post..one of those multiple picture jobs, with a ode from Heather to her husband, that was the most amazing love story one could ever have read..
It sucked the wind out of me.
But it did something else..that secret pining that she would come back, I’d tell her I always loved her, and always would, was over. A true light switch that I experienced once before in my life, when I found in the glovebox of my then wife’s car..two boarding passes to an island, with the next door neighbor. Angry, sure, but I remember it was just like “well that’s that”, as musicfrom one of neighbors porch blared “Hazy shade of winter” from the Bangles..
“Time, time time, see what’s become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities”
“I was so hard to please”
Now I’m stuck with arm hair standing up every time I hear Suzanna Hoffs..wonderful.
As for me? I actually signed up to Tinder..had a date, and survived.
I think I’ll be ok. I got this.
But for Heather, she gets this:
“Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind”
