I imagine that if you’re reading this there’s a possibility that you’re thinking about starting the Au Pair program or you’re already an Au Pair, or you’re in the process to become one. Welcome to the club!
My story started in 2016 when I applied for the Au Pair program, took the english and personality quiz to be accepted in the program, and of course, did the big paperwork to get there.
It’s important to mention that because of some reviews I’ve heard and videos the agency showed me I had big expectations of what the program would be (my bad… but I’ll tell you why later).
I was waiting for a host family with no more than 2 kids that will be more than 4 years older because I’m pretty bad with babies and after interviewing 2 different families I found mine in Connecticut.
After 2 days in NY for the initial orientation and meeting some great friends that sadly had to go far away from me with their host families, I finally met mine and I was very excited, they were a great family, the Au Pair that was finishing the program stayed with them for 2 years so that’s a great sign and the kids were pretty smart and independent.
I had never been in the US before so being there for the first time was a big experience for me and to understand how stuff worked there, but back to the story!
I remember my host family picked me up in the headquarter office in Connecticut and I was excited (as the other Au Pairs) to finally meet the family who I’ll spend a lot of time with.
They came to pick me up with the kids and they hugged me and so my host mom started to drive to the house.
In my memory, there’s just a bunch of trees and grass all over the way with an occasional house every 5 minutes and to be honest, coming from a city I felt like I was going to the countryside.
They were in the process of moving to another new house and I arrived there, one of the kids show me around (so nice of him!) it was a big house! and I think the closest house was like 10 minutes away which seemed pretty different when I saw the location in Google, then I went to my new room and all I could see was a bed and a lamp and that was it, so ummm it wasn’t what I was expecting? but in my head, I was thinking about the BIG time I spent about how much I did to be on this program, so I was like: I can do this!!
The other Au Pair that was about to leave after 2 years with them, gave me a quick introduction of what I had to do during the day and she had a lot of friends that were Au Pairs from her country and I just felt like I didn’t fit in? coz they were pretty pretty extroverted and I’m an introvert so I couldn’t wait to meet another au pairs that wouldn’t have that kind of personality.
After the other Au Pair left the challenge started.
I gotta say that maybe the story would be very different if my host family would move to their new house before I arrived, but no! Destiny wanted me to arrive exactly in the time where they were in the moving process.
My first days were pretty tricky, I had trouble with little things like looking for the kid’s clothes to go to school, looking for their stuff to go to their karate class, etc. Everything was messy in the middle of moving in!
English is not my first language and in the first week being there, it was kinda tiring to listen english all the time (which gets normal in the first week) and a bit challenging when people talks fast, you have to listen to them with all your attention and maybe ask several times if they can repeat what they said because you don’t understand.
I remember the kid’s karate teacher told me something that I didn’t understand and I tried to ask him to repeat it again but he didn’t seem to understand or to be bothered? anyways he didn’t talk to me after it… yeah .. weird things happen.
The first month was crazy, between all the things that happened I remember that the new house needed paint and so we had to move to the older house some days and I had to pack another suitcase to go there temporarily for me and the kids (the other house was kinda empty so it was a big suitcase)
There weren’t plates or forks at the other house so I had to improvise to give the kids some food and I was in the nostalgic stage missing my country or maybe just missing the city vibes (and of course crying over it) because stuff was so empty from what I was used to watching every day in my home country, and so to get some city vibes I’d get the 2-hour train to go to NYC and feel good again.
Au Pair meetings didn’t happen so often and the Au Pairs that were living near me wouldn’t have free time or live like 1 hour trip from my place which was kinda far.
During those days I think I felt emotions I have never met before, excitement whenever I get to go to NYC and see places full of people and feeling empty or sad whenever I got home where there were not so many people to talk to, not to mention stress and insomnia and some thought accumulation at night which was a new topic for me.
My host mom was very dynamic I gotta say and I think she really tried to take care of everything, maybe not so “warm” as I’d say in my country but she was a really respectable businesswoman.
So 2 months passed, I met a couple of friends on my weekend trips to NYC and I was starting to feel a bit better with them by my side, then after a couple of weeks one of my friends’ grandma died so that meant she had to go to her home country, to be honest, it felt like the only leg that was holding my table fell.
Although I knew she would come back, my heartfelt broken and empty after she told me she was leaving, it felt like being all alone again.
Meanwhile (side-story) my other friend in NYC was having some trouble with her host family, she told me that the father didn’t respect her and was acting unpolite with her so she decided to ask for another family and with the other friend she was also in the re-match process waiting for another family, being alone I think those situations are very hard to go through.
And I also had the friends that I met at the orientation that were living in LA and other places and they were having a good time with their families.
So another month passed and to be honest I wasn’t doing that much in my free time because there was literally nothing to do where I lived and one of the reasons why I wanted to take this program was to get some courses there and as that objective wasn’t accomplished and wouldn’t be if I stayed there I asked for the re-match.
I remember 4 families contacted me and most of them had almost the same suburb location that was like 2+ hours from a city (yes, I should pick better the first time) and my time in re-match was about to be over and also the family was about to go to a trip and I wouldn’t have a house to stay in so I asked one of my friends for a couch while I was waiting for another family (yup, get ready the suitcases again!) and after 1 day deadline, I decided to go for a family in Chicago.
So Chicago is pretty different from NY , the place where my new host family was living was kinda dangerous or at least the people that lived near there said that, when I got there I realized that the last Au Pair left because she wasn’t getting along with the host mother.
The kids were adorable but they were minor than 4 years old so they required a lot more time that I was happy to give to be in the city.
My host mother had some trouble with her ex-husband and you could see that every time when they were picking up the kids from home, so it wasn’t a great environment at all.
There are families that will give you a limited amount of food to eat for Au Pairs (which didn’t happen with the Connecticut fam) and are not so willing to share stuff with Au Pairs, so you’ll have to pay your own.
After a few weeks with that fam, I was so sure I screwed it up, I should never said bye to the other family maybe? but then I wouldn’t go to my objective? I don’t know … I was in a limbo asking myself: should I make this work? do I like what am I doing? will I make it in this environment?
After thinking a lot about it I decided that it was my time to go, I wasn’t really gonna do anything there more than babysitting 24/7 and with the little wage an Au Pair makes which is 200 USD per week and everything I had to pay staying with that host family, I was spending more than I was earning so it wouldn’t be a great decision. at least financially.
I talked to the coordinator and she asked me if I wanted to do the re-match again, that I wasn’t the only Au Pair that was going through that problem with that specific family and to be honest I was so tired mentally, I think I was at one of the best but also worst moments of my life.
“Best moment” because I had made it there and “worst time” because I was so lost and nostalgic and sad and feeling so empty, moving from houses every 2 weeks it was pretty tiring.
But the story didn’t end there
I arrived in the house, and the coordinator had notified host mom that I wanted to quit the program and she was pieced off, I remember I was getting home with the kids and she was at the kitchen and she goes:
-Are you telling me that you will quit?
And I tried to politely explain that I wasn’t feeling good mentally to stay but I remember she interrupted me and said:
-I want you out of my house in the next 3 minutes
I wasn’t shocked at all!
A few days before I contacted one of the Au Pairs that also quitted that family and she told me that she used the same words to tell her to go after she quit and that I should be ready for it anytime.
So what did I do?
Before telling my coordinator I’d quit I had my suitcases ready for any kind of event. So when it happened I was ready to get out of there.
I remember this scene happened in the afternoon, after going out of the house I was walking without a destination with my suitcases, I had some friends but they’ll have to request their host family if I could stay so that would take time also my flight home was booked after 2 more weeks and I didn’t have enough money to pay a hotel.
So I was so overwhelmed that I just put my suitcases in the floor and started crying in front of a tree because I really didn’t know what to do next.
I had met a person from my country that was living in Chicago and talked to her a few times and I was like: I got nothing to lose, right?
I called her and Thank God she told me she’ll pick me up and she did, got me to her house that felt like a genuine home after so many times moving from house to house and I felt relieved for at least 2 weeks then I’ll finally go to my country with my family.
What did I learn?
One thing you should understand about this program is that there are great stories and bad stories and very bad stories from other Au Pairs that would say that can write a book about what they have to go through with their host families or re-match processes.
It’s pretty much about who you choose, what are you looking for in the family and also the destination, but is also luck.
I’ve met Au Pairs that only had one call with their host family and didn’t know too much about them but they were the best family! there are a LOT of stories (good and bad) you’ll hear whenever you get there and it’ll be a life-changing experience for sure.
Good luck! and I’ll be happy to answer if you have any question :)
