Hacking Single-motherhood

Pamela Hickethier
Nov 8 · 3 min read

Seriously? Who can hack single motherhood? Or motherhood in general? At 19 years old I was clearly not cut out for being a mother yet, but life had other plans.

If you ended up in this post expecting to find some advice on motherhood, you’ve come to the wrong place. But if you enjoy some sarcasm, venting, wine therapy tips and most importantly, a lot of love, you’re welcome to stay!

People tend to look at single moms through a lens of pity as if they and their children were abandoned or unwanted, and that this “single-motherhood status” is probably a burden for the one who carries it. Almost as if you’re cursed. Why are single mothers demonized in this country to the point of shaming and blaming us as if we are all that’s wrong with the world?

What I found more interesting about this over the years, is that this perception comes more often from your immediate family circle more than from random people you meet circumstantially. Specially if your family is a Paraguayan traditional family where clearly a single-motherhood situation is considered a tragedy that makes it impossible for the mom and kid to lead a successful and happy life afterwards. Oh.. yes, embrace the pitty-party and the fact that you’ll be guest of honor every chance they can get.

Hope you caught the sarcasm in the last couple of sentences because life after single-motherhood is more than beautiful, it’s brave, it’s fun, you know you’re a fucking badass, your kid also knows it and you’re the boss that runs the show in your house (even if it’s a freak show at times, like at mine).

How ever someone came to be a single-mom, they should give themselves credit for being brave enough to take this journey in their own time and in their own way.

How do I do it? My daily routine normally is a mess. I plan everything around my kid’s schedule because there isn’t anyone else. I take care of my son when he’s sick, when he’s a mess and when he’s fed up. We’re usually late for everything everyday and we leave house yelling about whose fault is it we’re late again. I’m here for the good, the great, the bad, and the really ugly, without help, without a break, and no one really to back me up, help me out, and teach me why pre-teen boys do the weird things that they do. The sole provider of food, love, care, nurturing, educator, chauffeur, you name it.

You’d be surprised by how many times us single mothers sat in our car, or in the shower, or while doing dishes and quickly cried because we’re just so stressed, or tired, or without a clue if we’re doing the right thing. Because when we show our faces again we look unbothered and manage to sport a beautiful smile and carry on like we’re fine. Single mothers are some of the most resilient creatures you’ll probably ever meet. Support, not judgment is needed.

I don’t feel like I’m hacking single motherhood because I’m for sure a big mess when it comes to doing life, but I’m doing my best and all of it out of pure love. If nothing else, I always make sure my son knows that I love him with every ounce of my being. I hope he knows that when he’s feeling down, I strive for his happiness. I hope he remembers always that no matter what, I’m here for him. I appreciate and adore him without restraints, and that this will never change.

Pamela Hickethier
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade