Transforming Setbacks Into Comebacks

11 Lessons Learned in the Year Following My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (AKA ACL and MCL tear with tibia plateau fracture)

You couldn’t script this: I was having a great season, skiing strong after training for several weeks with new friends from the Rocky Mountain Masters while researching my latest book. Then, almost on cue, within days of submitting my final manuscript for my new book, Staying in the Game, I was sprawled in the middle of a “yard sale” crash on the headwall of the giant slalom training course.

The irony of the incident and its timing wasn’t lost on me. While not an academic, I do have a Ph.D., and believe in rigorously testing and validating my research findings. Even by those standards, this might have taken things a bit far. But here I was, about to start my own journey of recovery and rehab so I could get back in the game of life and eventually ski racing. As unwelcome as the timing was, I knew my injury would be the perfect opportunity to apply so many of the lessons I had learned from spending the last several years interviewing masters ski racers, many of whom had come back from far greater setbacks and were still going strong in racing into their 70s and 80s.

Because of the speed I was going when I crashed, the injury was brutal. My PT and other practitioners said they’d never seen such a severe ACL injury. The swelling and deep purple bruising wrapped around my knee and extended the length of my shin.

This detail is only for context, not sympathy. Ski racing is a dangerous sport. I’ve been injured before, just not this badly. And yet, I knew it was always a possibility. The Weeknd’s song that was playing (purely by coincidence!) through the headphones they gave me in the MRI tunnel at the ortho clinic summed it up: Save your tears for another day. It became my theme song for those first days, weeks, and months. Of course, I still shed some tears, but the lyrics reminded me that indulging in self-pity was not the best use of my limited energy.

In celebration of the one-year anniversary of the reconstruction surgery and a year of healing, rehab, rebuilding, regrouping, and restoring, I wanted to pause to reflect on some of the lessons of this past year. I offer these to you whether you are somewhere on your own journey of ACL recovery, coming back from another health setback, or any other of the countless unexpected and unplanned setbacks we all experience in life. While many of these lessons focus on the specifics of the ACL recovery journey, the headlines are intended to apply universally to setbacks of all stripes.

1. Accept What Is

• The first step to recovering from any setback is the same as the first step of all 12-step programs: accepting the current reality.
• In the early days, acceptance means understanding what you are dealing with and coming to terms with the road ahead, as well as your options and decisions.
• The less time you spend arguing with “what is” the sooner you can begin your comeback.

2. Focus on One Day at a Time

• The best use of your energy is to focus on what was right in front of you and the aspects of your experience that you can positively impact: That day, that hour, that minute. Whether that meant the day’s rehab exercises, rest, icing, personal hygiene, mental health, or just taking a break from it all to binge-watch all six seasons of The Sopranos (which I may or may not have done).

3. Actively Engage Your Community

In researching long-time masters athletes, I found that community and camaraderie played a crucial role in keeping people in the game and helping them return to it after a setback.

Some of my fellow masters ski racers and cheerleaders who kept me motivated

Here are a few recommendations and reminders, starting with — Throw the net wide and go with where the energy is; rather than focus on the people who aren’t available or don’t appreciate the seriousness of what you are going through, look for:

• The Helpers: Mr. Rogers famously counseled his young viewers to “look for the helpers.” I found this to be great advice for recovering adults. Look for those who can and are willing to offer specific support with logistics.
• The Counselors: Those who can share their experience and lessons learned from their own recovery journeys.
• The Cheerleaders: Those who offer encouragement, celebrate your progress and send care packages.
• The Sitters: Those who show up and keep you company during the seemingly endless hours when you can’t do much of anything but go to your PT sessions and sit on the couch. I promise, one day, you will look back and think, “It wasn’t so bad,” and it helps to have some company until you get there.

4. Map Your “Come Forward”

The idea of a “comeback” implies that you will come back to your prior state. Not only is that not necessarily the goal, but it doesn’t account for all of the ways your setback has changed you or the ways you will change during your recovery process. While I still use the term comeback, it may be more fitting for you to think of this as an opportunity to “come forward” with your new self-awareness, wisdom, strengths, and resiliency. It helps map this journey early on while allowing yourself to make detours and adjustments if you change your final destination.

• Set up the conditions and support to rebuild your confidence and rediscover the joy of your game. This, of course, will include your medical and physical therapy team, as well as any other resources you will need along the way.
• Allow yourself to be a beginner. This is both a mindset and a reality. Even if you have experienced a similar setback, approach this one with a “beginner’s mind” and readiness to learn and grow from this experience.
• Plot a Slow and Safe Return. I am not a patient person. However, I coach the business leaders and teams I work with on the importance of “slowing down to go fast.” I knew that if I didn’t practice what I preached through my recovery, I would compromise my healing and risk re-injury.
• Focus on the overall direction of your progress rather than on any specific day. Life isn’t linear; don’t expect your recovery to be either.
• Celebrate small wins and big milestones (see Actively Engage Your Community above). First full rotation on the stationary bike? Celebrate! Bathing without the shower chair? Celebrate! Walking without crutches? Celebrate! Building strength? Celebrate! Try a new workout modality? Celebrate! Acknowledging each milestone, large and small, will keep you motivated for the long haul.
• Adopt an attitude of gratitude, and appreciate all of the relationships, lessons, and progress that have grown with you as you continue coming forward.

5. Find Hope in Other People’s Stories

• Everyone loves a good comeback story. In addition to soaking up all of my fellow maters’ racers’ stories, and stories posted in several injury-specific Facebook groups, I found inspiration reading several longer accounts during my recovery, including Lindsay Vonn’s autobiography, Rise.
• However, remember that everyone’s situation is unique. The details of your setback (e.g., the severity of the injury, your age and fitness level, and recovery goals) won’t necessarily compare. Use these stories as inspiration, not a reason to beat yourself up if you have a different experience.
• One of my all-time favorite Staying in the Game stories of inspiration came from Lilla Andrews, who is still racing in all alpine disciplines at age 84 and has come back from significant life and health setbacks.

My inspiration, Lilla Andrews (now 84 and still racing) at the top of the podium at the 2020 World Winter Master Games, Innsbruck

6. Expect Setbacks, Bad Days, and Disappointments

• They are an inevitable part of the process. Don’t give up.
• Missing the activities, competition, community, and camaraderie will be hard. Feel the feelings, but don’t set up camp there. Use your FOMO as a motivator to continue your progress and work to come back even stronger.

7. Be Compassionate With Yourself (and others)

• There is no getting around the frustration, inconvenience, physical pain, and exhaustion that comes with your injury. Be compassionate with yourself, especially when you hit your limit.
• Remember that the injury is a setback for all those who care about you and for you, too. They have limits, as well. Extend your compassion and gratitude to them.
• Apologize as needed.

8. Expand and Diversify Your Community As Your Recovery Continues While Staying Connected to Your Besties

I revisit community because it is what makes the world go round. It will be even more critical to help you stay motivated in the months after your setback when you may have fewer scheduled support sessions and need to tap into the power of the people — your people.

• It’s quite possible that the resources, routines, and community that were perfect for you while you were healthy will not meet your needs as you recover.
• This is a great time to explore new resources and activities that may lead to new communities.
• One of the earliest activities I was allowed to do after my surgery was walk laps in a pool. This meant leaving the comfort and routine of my gym of many years to join one that had a pool. Not only did I start swimming laps as my healing continued, but I also met wonderful new people and expanded my community and workouts at my new gym.

9. Pause to Reflect on Your Relationship to Your Game

Whether your setback happened while playing a literal game or sidelined you from something else that brings you joy and gives your life meaning, this is a perfect time to pause. Better yet, keep a journal to reflect on other aspects of your challenges and progress throughout your recovery.

• Disruption of any kind is also the perfect opportunity to reflect. When unmoored from our familiar routines, we can often see things we could not before.
• For example, this might be a good time to ask yourself what is changing for you, as well as:

— How is your identity changing or being challenged? If the setback/injury happened playing a sport or activity you love, is anything shifting in relation to it?

— Do you still find this activity, work, or endeavor an engaging opportunity for you to experience the Four Ps of your game? (Play, Purpose, Passion and Pleasure)

— Is there anything you want to or need to change as you get back in the game or as you explore new games?

— Sharing your discoveries, struggles, and growth with your friends and others in your community can be especially helpful. It was through countless text message exchanges and conversations with my ski racing friends and other masters athletes that my passion for my sport was restored.

10. Return to Sport With Support

• Don’t underestimate the psychological barriers you may encounter returning to your sport (or other beloved activities), especially as you near your goal. These barriers aren’t a reason to abort your mission, but they are worth attending to.
• The type of support you need may depend on how, when, and where your injury/setback occurred. If it happened while training or in competition, you must be especially mindful of coming back slowly, first building confidence in the gym and then on the field of play. I found a ski simulator a few hours from my house. It was the perfect bridge between my gym and PT sessions and the real mountains to help build my confidence.
• Bring a seasoned and emotionally intelligent friend. I was lucky to take my first few runs with my friend Abbie More, a level 3 PSIA ski instructor at Winter Park. She helped me manage my anxiety while gently coaching me through those first few turns.

Me with Abbie More on my first gondola ride up the mountain in almost a year

• Through reflection, conversation, and a lot of cheerleading, I gained the confidence, strength, and motivation to work hard in rehab and return to the slopes within a year of the injury, ten months post-op, and am now confidently skiing at the same level as pre-injury. I’ll follow up next season when I make my racing come forward.

11. Pay it Forward

This lesson should come naturally if you have intentionally practiced the first ten. When you understand the power and value of staying connected and building community and have enjoyed the generous support of others, you will naturally want to share encouragement with others who are in a different place in their recovery.

• Cheer on others at your gym or in PT sessions who you see rebuilding. I find myself almost magnetically pulled to engage with people I see wearing the tell-tale knee brace.
• Share encouragement and your experience (if they ask).
• Remind them that even if it feels tough now, it will get better.

Of course, everyone will chart a different course on their “come forward” journey. Your timeline and goals will differ from others, and there is no right way to progress. It helped me to hear all of the varying ways that others found their way. In addition, the stories and lessons I learned researching Staying in the Game and discovering what keeps masters ski racers coming back season after season when many of their peers have moved to the sideline were invaluable.

As I made my way from the side of the mountain last year, rode down in the sled (AKA “meat wagon”), and road through all the ups and downs of pre- and post-surgery, and many months of rehab, I discovered those Staying in the Game stories were just what I needed during my recovery. In addition to the lessons I have shared here, the stories of passion, perseverance, and adaptability from agile athletes and leaders across domains were just the inspiration and guidance I needed to transform my own setback into a strong come forward, as I hope they do for you.

••••••••••

Please share YOUR come forward lessons, inspiration, and insights in the comments.

If you’d like to learn more lessons from agile leaders across domains check out: Staying in the Game: Leading and Learning with Agility for a Dynamic Future. Now Available on Audible!

Author Pamela Meyer, Ph. D., works with leaders and teams that must be agile and resilient and want to increase their impact for success.