Know Yourself

This is a very complicated question because surely I know myself, or do I?

Photo by Gabriele Stravinskaite on Unsplash

Ideally, I am aware of the things that drive me and the things I can’t really stand, but a lot of times I find myself indulging in the latter. Does that mean I’m betraying myself? I can’t even answer this because It feels fulfilling in the moment.

Have I put on a facade of who I want to be and allow that blindly guide me? What do I mean? I see myself as a very calm person; I don’t really have it in me to stir up conflicts. So I find myself just doing things to avoid tension and perhaps keep up the “calm” image. Now, who ever said I can’t be calm while still confronting the things I can’t stand?

Again I ask, do I really know myself? I find myself constantly confused and unsure of what I feel. Instead of seeking clarity from within, I ask other people to help me decipher my feelings. They can only help me from their view towards life. While that can be helpful in some instances, it could be self destructive.

Do I really know myself? When i’m both very sure and unsure of myself at the same time. How is it that I place myself on a very high pedestal especially knowing how much I possess and how hard I go but also feel like I may not be enough and I’m constantly doing something wrong? but what am I truly doing wrong or right?!

I have way too many questions and I’m hoping I can truthfully get answers, and this time from myself.

xo Pamela or who ever she is.