Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.

So, Luckily for me, I don’t have many followers on here. I say “luckily” because I feel as if what I’m about to write is a bit vulnerable and I don’t know if I even want anyone reading this. However, I am dedicated to write about my journey and sometimes this journey scares the living hell out of me. Maybe one day i’ll look back at this and laugh and say to myself: “You idiot, what were you thinking.”

I started this journey with creating my start-up Pangea Beanies about 90 days ago. The world I lived in 90 days ago seems like a very distant thing. I was in college (I graduated June 10th from UC Davis.) and I didn’t have many responsibilities. I relied on my mom for a lot of financial support while going to school. I took tests during the week, drank heavily and partied on the weekends and didn’t have any care in the world.

Once I graduated, I had the option to go and do what everyone else does. This consists of getting a job, living at home, figuring things out and most importantly living in comfort and security. Instead, I did the exact opposite and decided to not take a job opportunity and start something of my own. I decided to move out of my mothers house and figure it all out. I don’t know why but the thought of working 9–5 for someone else dictating my schedule and life, outweighed the fear of being my own boss.

So here I was, with some money I managed to raise in order to start my business. I designed all the beanies, got a website made, created a logo and opened every social media account known to any person (medium included) and managed to get two other people to work along side me. These 90 days have been the most tough 90 days of my life. I struggled to get my mindset right and staying positive was a daily struggle. I guess the motivation for writing today was just the fear I was feeling.

I had my product ordered and shipped over and it is currently in customs. Almost a month after I had originally planned on the inventory of getting here. I contemplated driving for uber at nights just so I can survive and make ends meet as I fund my dreams. With no product, there hasn’t been any income from the business coming in and I’m starting to let fear consume me. I acknowledge the fear, watch Gary Veynerchuck at times to overcome it, but it is REAL.

I sometimes feel burdened by this entrepreneur spirit because it’s genuinely who I am and I can’t help it. I want to start something for myself. I want to look back in 5 years and say: “I started something for myself and those around me and it was all from scratch.” It has been a trying time and Its hard sleep at night because I am constantly thinking.

“When the product comes in, this is next move.”
“What if I run out of money before the product is in?”
“What if nobody buy’s a beanie?”
“Should I get another job?”
“When will I get to being happy?”
“What is going to allow me to be successful?”
“What books should I read next to help me get my mindset right?”
“Should I just get my MBA?”

These thoughts constantly keep me up. At the same time, I have this unwavering faith that I am going to be okay. I have this faith that this company is going to be successful. I have faith that I will make it out of this situation a better person. But alongside the faith, there is fear, doubt, uncertainty and whole lot of other emotions. The uncertainty at times is scary, motivating and even thrilling. I always view the future as bright, and maybe being an optimist helps me achieve that. I always see the future me laughing at my current circumstance. I am happy and even grateful to my struggles; nevertheless, these struggles exist and are very real in my mind.

I’ve had adversities in the past and I have always been able to see the silver lining in them. I know deep down that this adversity isn’t going to be any different. I will come out on top of this struggle and circumstance. I just couldn’t help but write about it. I guess I couldn’t help myself because I want to be able to reflect on this moment when things get better. At the same time, maybe another entrepreneur will stumble across this page and won’t feel as if she/he are alone in their journey.

If you are reading this, I get it. I’m here with you. I’m scared too. I may not know the answer to helping, but I’m here with you. The way you are feeling is completely normal and justified. It is apart of the whole process.

The one thing I have been referring to within myself is, THE PROCESS. I would like to think that many other great entrepreneurs before me have felt what I am feeling. I know that many others have been on this journey and I’m sure many have won this battle. If they can do it, I can do it. I just wanted to authentically write this for the both of us because it’s something that needs to be heard. Empathy needs to be felt. I feel as if too many people are going to go through this and aren’t going to hear these words. If I was in your situation, I would want to hear them, because right now I need them more than ever. So here I am, sitting right beside you, as you’re scared or as you take a leap of faith.

This journey hasn’t been easy, but I am really praying that it is going to be worth it. I want to think that this feeling is shaping me to be someone I need to be in order to handle things that are going to happen in the future. I need to feel this, so that I can get better. At least that is the way I am trying process them in my mind. It’s not happening to me, it’s happening for me. Maybe it is happening for you too. I hope that you will be successful and I wish that upon you because if you feel how I feel, I want you to reap the rewards of pushing past this feeling. I want you to beat this fear. I want you to push past it and see what is on the other side of your comfort zone. I know that is what I am doing.

Like I had mentioned earlier. I am writing this for the both of us. I am writing this so that my own words can comfort me. I am writing this so the my words can comfort you. I haven’t been able to find something so authentically real about this specific moment. This specific moment where you are about to collapse and lose faith in everything you are doing, but something inside you isn’t allowing you to do so. I don’t know what that something is, but it’s there. There is something inside me, telling me I am going to be okay, and that I am going to make it. No matter how hard it is to believe right now, it is there. I hope you find that something within yourself, I really do because this is a make or break moment for you.

SO,

DIG DEEP. 
KEEP PUSHING.
YOU’RE ALMOST THERE. 
IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END.

Sincerely,

Sunny Mhay.