Just because someone has done you a favor or helped you in the past doesn’t give them the right to treat you like shit.
It’s a very complex notion because there are a ton of people who want to help in this world. There are a ton of givers in this world; however, they give with intentions. They give with expectations. They help because one day shall they need it in return, they can call on you. They put you in a position where it is politically incorrect for you to say no. So now you’re trapped.
This can take form in a parent/child dynamic. Your parents pay for school so you remain a Biology major because it seems “credible” to them, even though you are interested in sociology. At this point, it’s politically correct for you to listen to them; after all, it is their money.
This can take form in an employer/employee situation. Your boss may ask something of you and they have these expectations of you being or performing a certain way because they “did you the favor” of hiring you. In your mind, this gives them the ability to treat you how they want.
I’m here to tell you that it isn’t okay.
If a giver is going to give, they should give the moral way. A true giver will give without expectations. In this life, when you give without expectation, that is giving at it’s purest form. If you give with expectation, that is politics. That is business. That is control.
I encourage those of you who are in these power dynamics to remember that you are a human. You deserve to be respected as a human being.
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority.”
Sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say: “if you won’t respect me, I won’t respect you.” and what they mean is: “if you won’t treat me like an authority, I won’t treat you like a person.”
They think they’re being fair but they aren’t.
This can sometimes be the power dynamics of “bad” police officers today.
Even in intimate relationships, these power dynamics exist the most. If I don’t comply with my significant other, how will they treat me? If I don’t act the way they want me to, what will they say? Will they physically abuse me for not cooking? Will they emotionally lash out if I don’t submit to sex? Will they cut me off financially because I spoke back?
If you don’t say something, it will kill your relationship. You will start to stuff and build up all of these negative emotions within yourself and it will eat your relationship. The worst part is that some already do this and aren’t aware enough of the power dynamics within their own relationships.
Respect yourself enough to stand up to this. Liberate yourself from the chains others may place on you. Ask yourself: “What am I tolerating?” If possible, liberate those around you. Talk to those around you because sometimes they may not even be aware that they are doing this. You will start to realize that you thought you had all of this “respect” for yourself; however, you were giving it away to those around you.
Last but not least, whether people help you or not, that was their choice. At the end of the day,
You don’t owe anyone shit.