A Lifetime of Triggers
When I was 16 years old, I was roofied and raped by my older sister’s ex-husband’s best friend. I was in and out of consciousness for 12 hours, and the parts I do remember will forever haunt me. I am now 29 years old. At times I have crippling anxiety and I also battle extreme depression. When the attack occurred, I was not yet aware of what P.T.S.D. was, but I believe that is exactly what I have dealt with since then. Rape culture is of course awful everywhere, but my hometown of Enid seemed to pride itself upon being the best at victim blaming. You may remember the name Daniel Holtzclaw, he is a former law enforcement officer in Oklahoma City, he was convicted of multiple sex crimes… his hometown is also Enid.
It was my fault because I was out late at night. It was my fault because I wore low cut jeans and a tiny t-shirt. Every time I tried to open up to someone, I was constantly told what I should have done differently. No one, not one solitary soul, ever said that he should have known better. They just asked questions about what I had done that night.
I had a friend with a father on the police force, so I got his number and gave him a call. I poured my heart out, wanting to press charges, wanting to keep it from happening to anyone else. I will never, ever forget his response. “Are you sure you want to ruin a man’s life over this?”
