Review: “Disney Channel’s Theme: A History Mystery”

Ever remember that four-note sting you often heard everyday as a kid on the Disney Channel, and wonder where it actually came from? Well, you’re in luck, because as part of Defunctland’s DefunctTV spin-off, host Kevin Perjurer answers that question in a special one-and-a-half-hour journey packed with mystery and curiosity called “Disney Channel’s Theme: A History Mystery”.

After spending the cold open talking about several nationally recognized network jingles before reaching the focus of the doc, Kevin asks about the origins of the theme, which we finally hear while learning about the network’s history. With some help from the Audiovisual Database, the Wayback Machine, and a music licensing database named Songview, he sees potential answers in Emmy-nominated composer David Norland and a now-defunct company named Tonal Sound, with the latter’s Eric Perlmutter having composed the Disney Channel Movie jingle. Unfortunately, Tonal Sound’s founder Alex Lasarenko died years before the documentary was made, and Kevin learns that Norland and Perlmutter didn’t compose the Disney Channel theme nor know who did; same for Lasarenko’s friend Fritz Doddy or the few people who respond to Kevin. Because of this, Kevin admits that releasing the video was a worst-case scenario, and that his quest to solve the mystery was now at a dead end; soon, he heads to the shower in disappointment, leaving us in a cliffhanger…

Or so we think. While in the shower drawing the Disney Channel logo (but instead making a Zoo Pal), Kevin sees a ray of hope: something about the outtakes from earlier suggests that a network insider might have the answer. A now-dead YouTube URL leads him to a video editing agency named Guillotine Post, whose site, despite not mentioning Disney Channel (like a few previous times), does mention who is almost certainly the “G. Owen” on the clapperboard seen in one of the network’s wand idents. That person is Glen Owen, who worked on one of the network’s PSAs (which were previously mentioned earlier) for then-executive Andrea Taylor. Kevin asks Taylor who wrote the theme, and Taylor replies that Lasarenko did write the Disney Channel theme.

While it is very heartwarming to see several people recall what made Lasarenko so excellent, Kevin is still disappointed that he could not interview Lasarenko, and copes with this missed opportunity by revealing the questions he would’ve asked him. To up the suspense, he reveals that the documentary was scored with Lasarenko’s music the entire time, and that twist isn’t the only element of suspense. Kevin makes a closing statement, in which he opines that what matters about artists the most is the amount of great effort they put in their work, and above all, that the Disney Channel theme takes a lot of people back to their childhood, complemented by himself wielding the Disney Channel wand to draw the theme’s four notes, and in the same color as the wand idents to boot. And what better way to end a heartwarming documentary than with some soulful jazz.

So, what did I think of this documentary? Well, there are many interesting moments. Kevin runs into a “yo mama” joke and a threat to his career. Kevin opines that bumpers and idents fill a void that home video and streaming can’t completely fill, something Disney Channel turns up to eleven by being free of third-party ads. Kevin meets High School Musical: The Musical: The Series’s Andrew Barth Feldman. People talk to Kevin about their experiences with the network, and it was also kind of Kevin to help Taylor remember that Andy Solomon (one of the producers listed at Tonal Sound’s archived site) produced the theme. But the most interesting one is that we learn so much about the Disney Channel, I can’t really think of anything that shouldn’t have been left out, though I’m not gonna go into much detail.

However, the elements of suspense are what makes the documentary stand out. Examples include: the eerie-sounding newspapers headlines nine minutes in; scenes around Kevin’s desk tending to be so dark, even with the computer on; the evidence board for Kevin’s question; Kevin passing the time waiting for Fritz Doddy; and of course, the suspense invoked by not just the soundtrack, but also the way its composer is revealed. In my opinion, the use of suspense and surprise for the sake of fueling curiosity was the best part, because it makes viewers more excited to learn about what the documentary intends to reveal. And also, the presentation of Kevin’s online sleuthing was executed very decently given the transparency of his sources and how well-organized these scenes were.

So yes, I highly recommend this documentary if you’re interested in Disney Channel nostalgia.