Managing Stress as a single parent 👩‍👧
Two of the most stressful events in life are the death of a close relative and divorce. Knowing that you have already experienced one of life’s most stressful events does little to help you cope with that situation. Newly single parents have many unfamiliar experiences to deal with. Family finances, loneliness, and the demands of bringing up children alone add to the stress already being experienced.
Coping with stress is sometimes easier if we can identify and separate the stresses in our lives and set goals “coping tasks” for each of them.
1. Limit Disruption
Studies have shown that it is often the accumulation of a series of stressful events that leads to serious health problems. Frequently, the single parent is confronted with several stressful changes involving moving, income adjustments, personal relationships, perhaps work, and many other activities. Many of these changes cannot be limited or avoided, but some routines can be maintained. As much as possible, try to maintain stability in some parts of your life. Perhaps the continuation of a job, an exercise routine, or some other activities can provide this stability.
Set priorities for some activities and limit others.
It is easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless in the face of many competing responsibilities such as raising a child, holding down a job, paying the bills, and coping with one’s own distress. While it may seem impossible to set priorities among these important responsibilities, single parents find themselves having to schedule time for each task, setting aside time for themselves and figuring out ways to streamline some tasks.
One way to begin is to ask if some of the things you are doing now are really essential. What other tasks might be simplified? If you do laundry three or four times a week, could you cut back to once or twice? If you find that meal preparation and cleanup take most of your evening, could the family afford to eat out a few times a week? Though restaurant meals aren’t cheap, the time you save may be worth it. Decide which activities are most important for yourself and your children and get them accomplished first.
2. Manage Family Relationships
Stressful events can result in disruption of family relationships. Part of the coping process lies in helping family members feel good about themselves and maintain good relationships with each other.
3. Promote your self-worth
Right now, you may have intense feelings of abandonment, loss, or sadness. Both you and your children may be feeling that you are not important. These feelings are common, but they can be self-defeating. While there are no easy solutions for changing these feelings, it may be useful to begin thinking about your strengths and abilities. What do you do well? What are you and your children able to do together? Don’t pretend that everything is fine, but realistically appraise your abilities and focus your attention on your strengths rather than weaknesses.
4. Foster flexibility
In the face of a rapidly changing life situation in which there are few guidelines on how to act, flexibility can be useful. Ask yourself about all the possible ways there are to change or improve your situation. Too often, people are confined to thinking about a life situation in terms of traditional roles and activities when these no longer fit. Creative problem solving requires going beyond the traditional ideas. What are the different ways that family, work, and child care arrangements can be worked out? How can household chores be shared or made more efficient? There are many questions to ask yourself about alternative ways of arranging time and relationships that may make your life less stressful.
5. Maintain conditions for communication.
Stress can put a severe strain on relationships among family members and interfere with communication. Under stress conditions, care and concern for the feelings of others become all the more essential. How can a person listen with interest and understanding when he or she is upset? It is not an easy task, but if communication is to be maintained, ways must be found to listen and respond to the pain of other family members with understanding. In addition to listening, effective ways must be developed to express emotions and expectations without putting others down. Explaining feelings in the first person by using “I feel …” may be one effective way to talk about concerns
6. Build family bonds.
Stress can also put a strain on family ties. Al! family members may feel that they are on their own with little sense of togetherness. Adults and children alike may want to make efforts to build a sense of unity a sense that “we’re all in this together” and will find a way to confront challenges. It may be necessary to spend time together in activities and routines that promote togetherness. Or perhaps you Just remind each other of your care and concern. In many cases, this may be the first step toward finding practical solutions to every- -lay concerns as a family
7. Maintain Helpful Connections
There are always some limits to what any of us can do by ourselves. Part of any coping strategy is being able to effectively find and use outside sources of assistance. The single parent may find others helpful in providing emotional support, practical assistance, and social activity. The first step is to identify sources of help. For many single parents, recent experiences may have strained or broken some of their personal relationships with others. Friends who knew you as part of a couple may no longer know exactly how to respond.
As a single person you may not feel a part of the “world of couples”.
Many newly single parents find themselves needing to develop new friends. In some cases, single-parent groups that provide mutual support may be good sources of strength during this transition time. Other single parents know full well the joys and sorrows of “living single” and raising children. Family and friends may be other sources of help. At times, you may feel the need for professional advice from clergy and counselors.
Don’t be afraid to take advantage of all this help, that’s what it’s there for!
There are many ways to manage stressful events in your life. Begin by thinking about your strengths, your abilities to deal with situations. We all have strengths. Build on yours. Be flexible, try new ways of managing. Most important of all, maintain your ties to your children and others who can be helpful.
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