The Fading Light

I’m watching the sun set over the treeline. I stand there in the stillness of all life around me: the trees, air, and even the animals in the forest. It’s as if life has somehow slowed to a complete stop. For a minute, I think that I am dead. Quite the opposite, actually. I feel more alive than I have in years within that one tiny moment. I watch as the light fades into the horizon and ultimately disappears without a trace.

I stand there in silence, with an inner dialogue running through my head: “This is my life in a nutshell. I’m slowly fading into darkness, just as the light has done. Where am I going? What have I become?” This inner dialogue is like a broken record. I don’t know the answers to these questions. I feel panic wash over me like cold water and come to the realization that I cannot keep running from myself. That is, I cannot keep running from who I am at my core. Denying myself is just as bad as committing suicide. It murders the soul and any dreams of the future.

Perhaps I’m reading too much into the situation. One of my bad habits, for sure. The situation of course being my life in its current state: shambles. While this may only be how I feel today, it seems to be a recurring theme. I tell myself that I will continue to push forward and prevail. Maybe this a lie that I am telling myself; perhaps it is the truth. Either way, I the road will end somewhere and there will be a reckoning of some kind.