Facing My Fears #4 [7 Aug 2016]

It’s been a while since the last post came out . I’d say that I’ve been busy, but that would be a lie ! So without any more excuses, I’ll get right into it.

In the last post I had decided to do something that I thought would lead to people making fun of me. After some thinking , I decided go for a jog a on the road ! Why would I fear that you ask ? Let me explain.

I had recently started jogging these summers and whenever it used to rain , I was unable to jog in the ground — it being wet — and hence the only option was to jog on the road.

But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t get myself to do it. Being lanky, the mental picture I have of me jogging is of a stick man, frantically dragging himself forward trying to outrun a huge monster. This wasn’t helped by the fact that a lot of people told me that I “ran funny “ just when I had arrived as a freshman. I didn’t run a lot after that :( …. until quite recently. I was immensely afraid that I’d be made fun of if I ran in public.

“What about the image of me that they have ? It’ll be ruined the moment they see me all fumbling and shaking while trying to move forward. Nobody will take me seriously anymore. Nobody will think that I am cool anymore. I’m not an athlete and I should just accept it instead of making a fool of myself“

While considering whether to finally run on the road(as a task I had decided in the last blog post) I realized, that it boiled down to a choice — keeping my health or keeping my “perceived” reputation.

I chose the former.

It was an overcast evening when I walked out of the hall , resolving to face my fear. I found myself unable to get myself to run and procrastinated by walking along the road [“I’d just walk for sometime, nobody runs in front of the hall anyway”] . I saw two friends just nearby [“ Of course I can’t let them see me running “], so I walked some more. Then, I saw another friend of mine and this time something struck me. I started thinking about how good I would feel if I actually did it ! This enabled me to start running . Surprisingly , my friend didn’t comment on how I was running but appreciated my efforts to take care of my health. Encouraged, I kept running and decided to cover at least my usual distance before stopping . I still felt a lot of anxiety, especially when I saw someone looking my way .But stopping suddenly would seem even more awkward, hence paradoxically my fear actually kept me going….. until it actually vanished.

I realized that no one really cared who I was and if, how and where I ran. People just glanced and moved on, probably thinking about their own lives instead. I couldn’t really say how they evaluated me. Assuming what they thought seemed like a stupid idea in light of this experience. Even if my fears were true, I couldn’t risk sabotaging my health in exchange for approval of a few people, most of them being strangers anyway . How did their disapproval make an iota of difference in my life? Exercising daily on the other hand, did .

Gradually I started feeling more relaxed and comfortable until I actually started feeling elated at accomplishing this seemingly easy , yet so tough task.

I ran outside for a few more days , still with a slight mental discomfort while starting out — which subsided slowly, but definitely — until the rains stopped pouring in and I could start running on the ground again. But now I know that I can always switch to the road if it rained . Now I won’t feel the helplessness which had struck whenever I was “unable” to run due to rains.

How about you tried facing a fear of your own, just as an experiment? I’d love to hear your experiences! Also, feel free to post any kind of feedback/ideas for tasks I can do in the comments .I’m running out of ideas involving the fear of disapproval of others, hence for the next task I’ve decided to face my fear of not doing “enough” work. The next post won’t be as late as this one :)