But I care about so many things…
Let’s talk about those cares of yours
Today, I got up, and I cared about how well the French toast were done.
Then I cared that our boy had the right attitude with his breakfast.
Then I noticed the things that needed to be done around the house, and I cared that they got done.
Then it looked so nice outside, and I cared that we all went out to enjoy the weather.
The morning turned out pretty well for me.
But some years back, a morning like this would have been overwhelming. I used to care way too much, about way too much. And reading this list above, you might also be thinking about your own situation, and maybe you’re catching yourself thinking of times when you were a little overwhelmed too.
Your special skill, seeing what can be done better
“It would be so much better if…”: that’s something you also catch yourself thinking to yourself at times. You have ideals, you see what is not yet perfect, you have a vision of what can be better.
If that’s the case, I’d say that’s a special skill. And if you’re overwhelmed by all the other things you care about besides your vision, your vision isn’t getting a whole lot of your attention. And that’s too bad, because I think that skill will be useful in the future.
So for that, I’ve built my own system that I’d like to propose to you. I call them have-done lists. Let me explain (and give you an example just after):
Have-done lists
Have-done lists ask that you:
- Picture perfection. That’s handy for someone like me (or like you) who needs the space and time to thinking about the best way something can be.
- Displace yourself (mentally) into the future so that you can get away from the feeling you have now, and instead picture a time when things have been worthy to be celebrated.
- Work your way back from that celebration visualisation, and determine the things you will have done to get there.
- Be real picky about what is the core thing you will have done to get you toward that perfect place in time.
- And then, figure out how that core thing can be started today.
How a have-done list looks like
Suppose you had a very important meeting with your boss (important for you, because you decided that meeting your boss was the one thing you needed to do to change a situation at work).
- You picture perfection,
- You imagine the end of the meeting,
- You prioritize what you’ll be really celebrating (both you and your boss), and
- You head into the meeting prepared with a have-done list like this:
A have-done list is a simple list of objectives, written with a header that looks like “Before <some time in the future>, I’ll have”, and with each objective starting with a past participle verb (e.g. Obtained).
Writing objectives this way packs a few tricks: 1) you’re forced not to think about the other things you care about, but just about the one thing that’s most needed to be done, 2) you need to find out the right sentence describing the right thing you’ll be celebrating (otherwise, the objective will feel incomplete, and you’ll want to correct it), and 3) you can use the same technique on any length of timeframe.
Works with any length of timeframe
- Before the end of the morning, I’ll have…
- Before the end of that meeting, I’ll have… They’ll have…
- Before the end of the week at work, I’ll have…
- Before the end of the year, I’ll have…
- Before I can say that <insert ideal> has been installed in my life, I’ll have… (more about using have-done lists with your ideals)
The rules work the same for any timeframe.
Instead of…
Because have-done lists work on any timeframe, I use them:
- instead of writing to-dos, because not everything that matters is a to-do;
- instead of writing vague goals, because goals usually lack a real context around them;
- instead of writing wish-lists, because I can do something about my wishes; or
- instead of worrying about all the things I care too much about, because those lock me into my present feeling of being overwhelmed.
Have-done lists gave me a way out of my worries, and I got to a place where my vision of the future has happened (many times). So I hope you’ll give these a try too.
Hope this helps.
If you’d like to practice writing these lists and give them a solid try, I’m offering a course on writing have-done lists. Over 10 weeks, you’ll get weekly emails with sample situations made better with a have-done list, you’ll get access to my feedback on your own lists, and you’ll get a surprising results in your life if you put effort into it. Learn more about the course here.
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