I felt an Ominous Heavy Feeling weighing my body down while my Heart hammered like someone was chasing me. I’d had this exact feeling one other time when my little brother Steve made his Exit from this realm in 2012 but none of the Family was aware…except me.
My thoughts immediately locked onto an image of Mitchell my ex BF who I kept in touch with and still had Love for. When a Woman thinks back on the Loves of Her Life One or Two will stand out….Mitchell was One.
The first time He hugged me enveloping me in his arms super-tightly and not letting go I felt Safe. When Mitchell hugged you…you knew you were Loved.
I dialed his cell phone number all day with no answer…that familiar pang twinged my Heart as I began to Panic….I knew something unthinkable had transpired with Mitchell…my Heart confirmed it. My chest felt hollow and empty.
We were employed by the same Consulting Firm and Traveled Nationwide to service Clients/Insurance. I met him on a Boston Project in 1993 and was introduced by a fellow Colleague. I thought he was nice but really not my type.
The next two years we ended up on some of the same Projects and I must admit He continued the Pursuit until we landed on a large Project in Tallahassee FL. We were sent in as Supervisors and were thrown together constantly putting out fires.
Finally I agreed to go to dinner with him if he could complete a task; an Origami Wallabee…I always wanted a real one and had recently learned he was a Graphic/Origami Artist.
He went one better and created a Mama Kangeroo with a baby in her pouch…the Chase was Over.
For three years we finagled our way onto the same projects across the US it was interesting and fun getting to know each other. Romance on the Road is like a Powerful Aphrodisiac that functioned similar to Rose-Colored Glasses you never take off. What began as an Infatuation morphed into Real Love.
Then it happened…I was delegated Project Manager over a Nashville Project which happened to be a Black-Owned Insurance Company. I agreed to being PM only because it was more money but keeping in mind also More Stress & Pressure.
It was the first time for both of us in Nashville and we should have been having big fun…but I noticed a change in Mitchell and realized it was most likely due to me being PM and not Him.
We had a big Fight where he told me I was Over-Sexed to which I answered, “Oh really this is the first I’m hearing of this.” I laughed it off hysterically which made him even more angry.
He continued to act like an Azz-Hole so much so that a friend of his noticed and tried to talk some sense into him to no avail. We ended up not speaking to each other for the remainder of the Project even though we sat next to each other in the Unit. Two months of Aggravation for me.
My regret was I wanted to be sure and put my best foot forward since the Client was African-American Owned and in Trouble.
I did not speak to him for over a year….I was through.
I was able to avoid him by choosing Projects I knew he wouldn’t like. I really was through.
We reconnected again when Mitchell learned my little bro Steve had passed away and called to give his condolences as he had a younger brother named Steve too. As I listened to his distinctive voice on the phone I knew he truly cared. Slowly we rekindled a new friendship testing the waters. And Yes there were times I was tempted to give it one more try but something held me back…now I knew it was too late.
Memories flooded my brain as I could hear his mirthful laugh that conveyed his Zest for Life…how he always called me Sweetie although I never considered myself that.
My eyes misted and brimmed when I thought of all the Jimi Hendrix T-Shirts he’d bought and mailed to me over the years…I have Always been a Hendrix Fan. I lost count of how many I now owned.
He had also helped me out financially a few times did not hesitate. When I attempted to pay him back he refused telling me to buy something nice for my Mama who by the way Adored Him and He Her.
My Heart twinged so hard I grabbed my chest and begin to Panic…something told me to check his brother’s FB Page.
There it was in a post and photo of Mitchell…it seemed that the words jumped off the screen to Taunt and Haunt me.
R.I.P. BIG BRO! YOU’RE IN PAIN NO MORE! WHEN YOU SEE MOM, PLEASE GIVE HER A BIG HUG AND KISS FOR US! [APRIL 5, 2024 ]
I Was Shook!
His Family was SILENT no info forthcoming…strange as his brother Steven had been informative when their Mother made her Transition in 2023. I surmised they were in Shock like myself.
But there was something else…I sensed Foul Play was involved…my Heart Hurt at the thought. I was convinced His Death was Sudden and Unexpected.
I checked all the online services geared toward locating Death Records etc…Nothing.
One day my laptop glitched out and I had to reboot it. When I got back online it took me directly to a Medical Examiner/Coroner Page….and there it was!
The Report stated Mitchell died at home and the Death was under investigation.
A Clammy Coldness took over my body my scalp Prickled every nerve on fire I felt Sick and Weak as I stared at a sparse report detailing How but not Why He died.
His Death was under Investigation.
Mitchell I know you orchestrated that due to your family’s Silence…tears ran down my face. Thank You.
I was now desperate and contacted a Psychic my family had enlisted when my nephew was Murdered in 2021. She was helpful and on point answering our Questions and Fears.
After telling her the story her first Impression was of all-consuming nausea but she felt it was not a suicide. She also detailed some other health issues I did not know of. AND she also felt Foul Play was in effect.
Mitchell’s favorite Uncle Donnie passed away in 2022…his sweet Mother made her Transition in 2023. And now Mitchell….was Cancer the Culprit?
His Unc and Mother both had Leukemia.
I was way beyond Sad for Mitchell but felt somewhat better with the info she revealed to me.
I only wanted to say good-bye and have Closure which at this time is out of reach for me and my Heart Aches with the thought I will Never Know.
WHO IS DUFFY??
EPILOGUE
One detail the Psychic stressed was that she kept hearing the name/word ‘Duffy’…and did I know who that was and I did not.
I will continue to speak with Mitchell who might lead me again to the Answers I seek.
Wish Me Luck!
