Your Average Problematic Casting Call for A Domestic Drama Produced by The Lizards That Live Among Us

Looking for SERIOUS ACTORS, for an OFF-BROADWAY DRAMA. Show will be entered into this year’s ROCHESTER & NEW YORK CITY FRINGE FESTIVALS, among other reputable showcases.

Lead Roles

  • White Male, Age: 20–30. Role: Jack Rivera. Athletic build (character is former Olympian), chiseled, dark, brooding. Looking for a Gerard Butle type.
  • White Female, Age: 18–27. Role: Katherine Arnold. Dark hair, must be lean and very physically attractive to both human and Lizardkind.
  • Lizardman, Age: 247–413. Role: Warrior-King Krxtial. Anthropomorphic Reptile (Preferably Non-Aquatic) With Superior Build, Brutal, Alpha. A Black, Scaturient Soul. Rightful Father of Lrosona. Fuck Machine.
  • Female Lizardchild, Age: 25–103. Role: Lrosona, Daughter of Warrior-King Krxtial. Must have clan elders present during rehearsals. Must have professional attitude. Wayward child of Warrior-King Krxtial. Taken into custody, against Lizard Law, by pathetic Human Rivera.

Supporting Leads

  • White Male, Age: 8–12. Role: Young Jack Rivera. Must have Parent/Guardian present during rehearsals. Must have professional attitude on set. Must NOT be within three feet of Lizard actors during “The Feeding Hour”.
  • White Male, Age 35–55. Role: Daniel Feinberg, Jack’s Attorney. Kindly, intelligent, Jew. Assists in custody battle over Krxtial’s daughter.

Supporting/Ensemble Roles

  • Black Male, Age: 50–70. Wise, Non-Threatening (a MUST), Morgan Freeman type. Offers advice to various main characters. Must be comfortable dying in second act.
  • Hispanic Female, Age 18–70. Role: Maria the Maid, cleans houses/Lizard Dens. Depending on her age she will either be a sex object, a sassy maternal figure, or invisible.
  • Lizard Warriors, Age: 247–728. Role: Faithful Blood-Warriors of Krxtial, Praise He of Golden Mind and Perfect Skeleton.

“Ak Ak Ak!/

Ak Ak Hoah!

Ak Ak Ak!/

Hoah Ak Hoah!

Ak Ho-Ah!/

*hiss*”

Four of Each Will be Cast For Various Speaking/Non-Speaking Roles:

  • Brave Lizard
  • Wily Lizard
  • Slimy Lizard
  • Insecure Lizard
  • Black Female (strictly non-speaking roles)

Note About the Production: THE OBSOLESCENCE OF THE HUMAN RACE IS OVERWHELMING. THEY ARE A HIDEOUS PLAGUE DEVOURING THEIR OWN PLANET IN THE NAME OF THEIR SUPPOSED ADVANCEMENT, WAGING WAR OVER IDEOLOGIES AND MORALITIES WHEN THE LIZARD THREAT LURKS RIGHT UNDER THEIR NEEDLESSLY PRONOUNCED NOSES. THEIR FAILURE TO ADHERE TO REPTILE-RULE WILL SPELL THE VERY DISASTER THEY SO DESPERATELY WISH TO AVOID. — ED)

- Vrxxxx, Director/Playwright

  • Dual Role of “Omnipresence of Dread” and “Dawn of The Age of Lizards,” Age: Any. Non-union only, Tap experience a plus.
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