Patricia Alexander
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Two faces of alcoholism

By Patricia Alexander

As I sat in the movie theatre watching the latest new release about an eccentric alcoholic father raising his family, I was suddenly taken back to my own childhood. The movie accurately depicted the struggles of living with an alcoholic parent. In a way the movie was therapeutic for me and I, for the first time in years, looked back, with clear eyes, on my life as a child of an alcoholic.

When I was a young child I didn’t understand alcoholism; actually, I doubt any child could understand the complexity of this disease. All I could see was a father who couldn’t stay sober, didn’t have money to feed a family of 8, and a mother who frequently spiraled out of control. My maternal grandparents were constantly having to intervene.

My father was raised by alcoholic parents and many of his 7 siblings were alcoholics as well. There is tremendous national debate as to whether alcoholism is hereditary and I, because of my own personal situation, believe that it is. Alcoholic parents will more than likely produce children who have substance abuse problems.

I’m one of 6 siblings and, like my father’s family, many of my siblings have struggled with substance abuse. I did not inherit the desire to drink or use drugs so, for me, it has been a constant struggle to understand the disease. Can’t one just have enough will power to resist the temptation? Isn’t alcoholism or substance abuse a decision just like eating sweets or exercising? Well, if it is a disease, simple desire to stop isn’t enough. If it’s not a disease then maybe it is a matter of will.This article delves into how two different people in one family handled alcoholism and what I learned from their struggle.

Most people don’t pay any attention to the ads for alcohol that are launched before the Thanksgiving holiday. To me, those ads signal another set of holidays, one where my father was drunk until after the new year. Christmas was especially painful. Wait, isn’t it supposed to be a joyous occasion? Yes, for most families, but for an alcoholic family not necessarily. My father was drunk, falling over furniture, and my mother was in a constant state of melt down. This cycle of holiday drinking went on until my father sobered up, for the final time, in 1986. By then, I had been married twice and had started my own family but the anxiety leading up to the holidays never left me. Memories like that don’t easily dissipate and I always worried he would begin drinking again. Even though he sobered up in 1986, my father wanted to drink until the day he died at the age of 81.

My father’s closest brother (they were 18 months apart) was a hard core alcoholic. What do I mean by that? He lived on the streets for over 10 years and his drink of choice was often grapefruit and rubbing alcohol with a beer chaser. He had been having seizures for years and even had one while driving and was involved in a head on collision. While living on the streets he was hit by a car which broke both his legs and left him in a body cast for a year. He went back to living on the street and was brutally beaten in the head with a coke bottle by a group of teenagers trying to rob him. Pieces of his skull had to be removed but he continued to drink. He’s attended every rehab in Texas and the surrounding states but said he wasn’t ready to sober up until 1986. He sobered up cold turkey (Don’t try this at home) and had seizures for three days. Once sober, he never had the desire to drink again. He and his wife reconciled and lived happily until her death. He lived to be 82.

Alcoholism is a complicated issue. Both my father and my uncle struggled off and on for most of their lives. My father struggled with the urge to drink until he died, my uncle never had the desire to drink after he sobered up. Two brothers, two faces of alcoholism.