Life’s Not Fair

Life isn’t fair. Have you ever heard someone say that? I remember complaining that something wasn’t fair when I was younger and being told, “Life’s not fair.” The moment that response was given, I began dissecting what it meant. Even then my curiosity constantly ran free within the depths of my inner thoughts. ‘Wait, life isn’t fair? But life is beautiful, life is love, life is being alive and here right now! How couldn’t it be fair?’

But then I thought about unfortunate realities of life. Homeless people, sickness and disease, hunger and death. In that moment whatever petty thing I initially wanted didn’t matter to me anymore.

I learned three valuable lessons that day.

One, there would be times that I wouldn’t get my way. It wouldn’t matter if I deserved it, if I earned it or if I wanted it with all my heart. It wouldn’t matter if it were fair for me to get what I wanted. I learned that I had to brace myself for when those times would come because they would. So many things happened to other people in the world, it would be illogical to think I’d escape hardships or unfairness.

Another lesson I learned that day while searching to understand the unfairness of the world was that there are always reactions for every action. I realized even at that young age that whenever life would present an unfair circumstance, I’d have to take it as a learning experience and figure out my available options. That state of mind stuck with me as I grew older. It allowed me to have a type of zen thoughtfulness during certain hardships.

Like that time I didn’t get the job I thought was my dream job. I couldn’t believe it! I was denied via email even though I did everything right. I passed the tests, my resume was on point and I was qualified with a capital Q. I was knowledgeable and immediately hit it off with everyone during the interview. I answered all the questions confidently and the conversations I held were smooth and apparently enjoyable. Yet, I was denied. But who else could be more qualified, more willing to do the work or as passionate as I was? It was completely unfair for them to hint that I’d have the job after the second interview and STILL reject me.

But after reading the message sent to me via email, I realized I didn’t even care. Fuck them. The experience, skill, and passion I had would better serve another organization that would respect and appreciate me. There would be more opportunities for me and what they essentially did was help me dodge a bullet. Situations like those helped steer me on the path that I’m on now.

Ok, maybe saying fuck them wasn’t exactly zen-like. But my point is I learned that with every unfair circumstance there are multiple options that immediately manifest themselves. I couldn’t change the fact that I wasn’t accepted for that position, but I could figure out what things were in my power to change. When I was denied employment from that organization, I could’ve cried, become unmotivated or begged them to reconsider me. Instead, I kept moving on even though I was hurt. It wasn’t fair but it was ok because I was alive and I had other options.

While I didn’t learn the second valuable lesson from this one moment, rather my entire upbringing, the response I was given (“Life’s not fair.”) helped raise my awareness and empathy for other people. Til this day, whenever I go through hard times, I find strength and motivation through compassion, knowing that there are other people out there going through similar struggles or worse.

“Compassion is the wish to see others free of suffering.”

It’s ok for us to feel however our emotions pull us, but it helps to think outside of yourself and in the shoes of another person to remember that the blunt truth of life’s unfairness can bind together solutions and remarkable people to live life happily even during those relentless times. Knowing that I have the ability to help change other people’s lives for the better is something that keeps the fight in me strong. We all have that fight in us, you decide whether you want to find it or ignore it.

So it’s true, life isn’t fair. But all that means is you have the option to do something about it.