Beautiful and cathartic. I am so proud of you.
For you, my shared story because I think you might understand. I took in 3 orphaned children who had been horribly abused in almost every way possible. Ignorance of the abuse and its ongoing effects made me promise to love them and never reject them. And love them completely is what I did.
But one wanted to kill me. Finally i had to put him in a psychiatric hospital. The doctors said he was testing my love and that would likely always be a threat to me because he needed to prove some dark truth about not being lovable. So I had to give him up in order to keep the rest of us alive and let professionals try to help him.
But I still love him. Just not up close.