Knowing

There is a great sense of power when you own and know yourself. Not the kind of power that annihilates or inspires fear, but the one that gives you the certainty that no matter what — you will get the thing you desire.

“Start knowing”- I wrote this in my diary some months ago, last year in October I suppose. Start knowing what? Everything.

I asked myself the uncomfortable question today, these days, every day, and I finally hit that breaking/or how I would like to name it “growing point” where I know that I need to change and grow now. Now, Now, every day -now.

In my case that means — applying for my type of full time job here in Berlin, looking every day for places to live/ studio/ something new, striving to change my conditions now, even as a student, but now. Working every day towards what I want, and putting effort, time, creativity, dedication. I used to postpone it by saying “not now,I am still a student”, or “not now, this rent is cheap” or “6 more months and I am done”. Well, all I have is “now, now, now”.

I enjoy myself when I hit a breaking/growing point. It is not only about the recent events, but it is about my constant desire to challenge myself and grow. I know something needs to change, and my mentality is also something that needs an upgrade.

Upgrading, processing, believing, and most, importantly, doing.

I always felt anyway a great deal of annoyance when I hear people saying from the first moment they open their eyes in the morning “ it is hard to…”.

Well, we are the stories we keep telling ourselves. And I admit that I have been telling myself also stories that do not help me grow sooner, such as the “6-months- from — now — I — will — do — it — story”.

Let’s face it. If we do not have the drive to do it now, right now, really believing into our future self, the chances to grow are slimmer than they ever were. Start knowing.