I devour content on Medium.
Then compare what I think and write to the content that I’ve read. I’m not pithy enough, not worldly enough, not in touch with current events and trends, I don’t make the leaps of intuition that others do, and I’m the laziest researcher around.
I feel like a poser. I didn’t start writing until recently because I didn’t think I had enough years under my belt.
I didn’t write in my 20’s or 30’s because I felt young and dumb. Now I’m middle-aged and dumb because I didn’t start sooner.
Writing is stretching muscles that I haven’t used in years. I feel smarter and more in touch but still feel that I have miles to go before I can catch up with where I think I should be on this path.
I can’t compare my late start to everyone else’s middle of the road. They’re cruising in the fast lane, snappy thoughts coming out left and right.
Or not. Wait. None of this is a competence thing, it’s a confidence thing.
We’re all, for the most part, lost. Some of us are just better at masking it.
We see the results of action. We don’t see the action that took place to get to that confident sounding masterpiece of words. We don’t see the editing, the fumbling, the indecision.
Underneath, we all have the same struggles, the same doubts. We’re all posers.
Masking our insecurities is a primitive, tribal survival mechanism. If we appear weak, the tiger picks us to be the one eaten. If we stand out in the crowd as being less confident, we end up low person in the tribe.
Some learn the survival skills early in life, some of us don’t. Some of us never learn but it’s a gigantic AHA! the moment when we do.
So, don’t let the tribe kick you out or let the tiger eat you.
Be yourself, but be confident that you can be the best self you can be and let your inner poser take care of the rest.