Fall once, not twice

I called my mom up the other day, told her I lost sleep the night before.

“Why?” She asked.

“I stayed up late, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about the past and all the things I did wrong.” I have obsessive thoughts from time to time, especially at night, my sentimental pity self likes to come out and take over my mind.

“Why on earth did you think about the past, there’s nothing you can do to change it.” My mom sounded frustrated, she just couldn’t understand the silly things I do, like staying up late and wallowing in the past.

“Well, I realized something.” I said.

“And what is that?” Said mom.

“Fall once, not twice. Learn from your mistakes and never repeat them again.”

Needless to say, my mom was not impressed, because it’s such a cliche. I mean, even a young kid know they should learn from their mistakes and not make those mistakes again.

But it’s something as simple as this that many people failed to execute, including myself. I looked back, and I knew that most of the stupid decisions I made were going to be a mistake, even before I making them.

What happened?

I lacked discipline and strong will to make the right decision. (Sometimes circumstances play a part, but let’s not blame my own fault onto that.)

I fucked myself up OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Just a few days ago, I fucked myself up again, or more specifically, I fucked my stomach up again. Long story short, I have a VERY weak stomach, I’ll lose my appetite and feel nauseous all the time when I get sick. The doctor warned me not to have cold drinks and not to tire myself out.

A few days ago, I went out with an acquaintance and loosen up a bit, I had a couple glasses of cold beer and stayed up late till 2am. My stomach suddenly started acting up after that night, and I started to feel like crap.

DAMN IT PATRICK!!!

Why did you keep fucking yourself up?

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