Batman Forever is dumb, loud, and really, really colorful. I’ll be honest. I don’t hate this movie, even though a lot of people do. It has more in common with Batman and Robin than it does with Tim Burton’s first film, and yet there’s still a lot of stuff I like here.

I know most people don’t, but I like Val Kilmer as Batman here.

13 Assassins is a fantastic movie. It’s a remake of some classic Samurai movie that I haven’t seen, so I can’t compare it, but holy shit is this movie amazing on its own terms.

It’s beautifully shot, and features a number of compelling performances. Takashi Miike taps into this larger-than-life quality of Samurai figures and Samurai movies, and really excels with it.

Original air date: April 4, 2016
Director: Larysa Kondracki
Writer: Thomas Schnauz

Rating: 6/10

I don’t know what it is about this episode, but it’s probably my least favorite one of the series. It might be because the whole allergic to electricity thing is pretty important here, as that’s always been my least favorite aspect of the show.

Original air date: September 7, 2008
Director: Alan Ball
Writer: Alan Ball

Rating: 6/10

I’ll be perfectly honest. I’m not sure if I’m going to sit through this entire series. I originally considered watching it because it’s an HBO series so obviously it’s of some quality, but I thought it was the series with Nina Dobrev, before I learned that that was The Vampire Diaries (a show I really wouldn’t have any interest at all in were it not for Dobrev, and I’ll likely never watch).

As long as you know what you’re getting into, some of these Charles Band-produced Surrender Cinema movies are pretty fun. This is one of the sexiest yet, featuring a recent college graduate (Blake Pickett) inheriting a bankrupt house of wax from her dead grandfather. With the help of her three friends (including the beautiful Jacqueline Lovell) as well as a mysterious figure who has a magic necklace, she discovers that these wax figures come alive to have sex.

It’s pretty damn hot; I’ll be perfectly honest.

Original air date: January 22, 1992
Director: Christopher Hibler
Writer: Paul Brown

Rating: 8/10

I appreciate when the show does something different, and that’s certainly the case here. Here, Sam is a 59-year-old about-to-be-retired news reporter covering stories on a serial killer in San Francisco’s Chinatown. That already is a little different, but things get more complicated when Sam befriends a beautiful young woman claiming to be a psychic who aids the police in catching the killer.

I love the idea of this series. An anthology with the “masters” of the genre — guys like John Carpenter, Don Coscarelli, and Larry Cohen directing — sounds amazing. But when you actually get down to it, only about half the episodes are directed by people I’d consider a “master of horror.” I don’t know how much of that is just they just couldn’t get people like Wes Craven or David Cronenberg for whatever reason, how much of it was they had genuinely low qualifications for who could be considered a “master” (this is a show started by Mick Garris…

Original air date: May 27, 1991
Director: David Livingston
Writer: Rene Echevarria (story by Ken Schafer and Rene Echevarria)

Rating: 9/10

Geordi gets brainwashed by Romulans in this incredibly exciting episode. Maybe it doesn’t bring up a lot of the ethical issues that Star Trek usually excels in, but it’s suspenseful and thrilling, so that’s pretty great.

Only dealing with two seasons here, so this will be a short list.

2. Season 2 (2006–07) — Average episode: 51.38/100

Based on something I’ve never heard of, I pretty much had no idea what was happening for most of this movie. That’s not because of an incredibly intricate plot or some complicated worldbuilding. It’s mostly because of the filmmaking. Action scenes are so poorly directed and mostly edited that it becomes difficult to understand people’s spatial relations among each other.

Charlize Theron does what she can.

Patrick J Mullen

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