Patsy Starke
Jul 21, 2017 · 2 min read

Even though he named you after her, you never were her and will never be her! You are Terijo, who writes, dreams and lives your own live. You are a sum of yourknowledge, past, and experience, but you are not your past. You made loving choices in favor of yourself.

If I may share, My parents were both alcoholics, and my mother the worst with violence and abuse. My father was never there. I was born with a touch of fetal alcohol syndrome with low birthweight, learning disabilities along with emotional and mental disabilities. Seems like someone had it in for me from the start.

Like the song, “Landslide,” by Stevie Nicks with an exception, I didn’t build my life around my parents, but I built my life around their sickness. I didn’t really know who I was for most of my life.

So, with all that said Terijo, today I am grateful for all that I am. Oh, not all the time and sometimes it still hurts. It’s more about who I’ve become. Like you, I have survived. Look at what comes out of us., the good, the creativity, the writing, finally, the love and compassion we have for others. I never want to be anyone else, just me. I couldn’t be me without my unique experience.

About my parents? My father was killed 33 years ago in an Auto accident, he was 8 years sober in AA and had made amends to me. I was able to tell him I loved him and have a decent relationship with him for about two years before he died.

My mother, just got old and has COPD and has limited time. I had to and did forgive her so I could heal. She still gambles and drinks although that is limited by her age and disability. I had to bail her out of jail several times when I was younger. One thing I did learn about my mom was that she had a story of abuse and being hurt and that she was in pain from that. Today, I love my mom but not her sickness. Her sickness causes me to keep my emotional distance. In many ways we have built ourselves around significant other’s sicknesses. In many ways we did that to protect ourselves, we had to and I don’t think that is so bad myself. I had to learn which of those walls kept me from living my life with others and being healthy.

Well, Terijo, I’m not writing anything else today and this was really for you. I felt your pain, but more so, your strength. Hang in there during your visit and I truly hope you see that old part of your life with new lenses. Try not to visit your past this time, but the here and now separate from who you have become and who you are. Bless you dear and may you find peace.

Patsy

    Patsy Starke

    Written by

    Registered Nurse, Transgender Woman In a lifelong transition, Parent, Grandparent, Normal every day run of the mill person, realizing my place here.