Mother’s Day

I didn’t think I would have any particular feelings today, but here I am struggling to make a Facebook post celebrating my mother and my sisters. Something just hit me in the gut and I got all teary-eyed and had to abort.

I think what hit me is how much time has passed since I just assumed I’d have children already. I threw my birth control away in September 2015 assuming I’d be pregnant in a couple of months, at most. Up until that point I had been meticulously calculating how my time pre-children would be spent, with a 2 week vacation to Ireland culminating my experience as a childless woman. In retrospect, that is a ridiculous endeavor. I’m beginning to understand more and more that life doesn’t include such well-defined bookends. Long-term that’s a good lesson to learn, but it doesn’t make it any less painful in the present.

I’m spending my Mother’s Day morning creating a spreadsheet of what we’re going to eat this week. Tomorrow we start on Project Stop Being Fat. We both need to lose weight and our RE suggested a program that’s essentially Whole 30, but with a coach. I think this will be good for the both of us. And also hard. I expect to take the form of hangry werewolf next week in the name of future motherhood.

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