Patty R. Newton
Aug 9, 2017 · 4 min read

Marriage, Sex & the Godly Wife — And The Notion of Gender Roles

So this article is for the girls….the Christian women who are married or who hope to one day be married. Now let me preface everything by saying this article has some very nitty gritty, down where we live, stuff in it. And since I am divorced some might read it and think that I’m not qualified to write it. I can see where one might think that. However, I think that is exactly what qualifies me. You see there are many things that can be explained away here as to the why and how a marriage ends — this is not that article. However my experiences just might help you! I simply ask that you read this with your spiritual eyes and ask God to speak to you and to give you revelation that will transform you.

What I want to address in this writing is this doctrine out there that says sex is for reproduction only, and the dangers of a “helping” a spouse stray when we adopt that mentality. I also want to address some key things about gender differences that the world has tried to convince us do not exist. There are tons of scriptures that I don’t have time to expound on. I will hit the high points and reference some of them for your continued study.

So I’m just going to lay some bullet points out there. Let’s just get to it!! Hold on!! If you are highly religious, this will probably offend you! If you’re looking for some answers, this could set you free!!

  • Sex is for pleasure as well as for reproduction! There are probably not many people telling you that. But take a slow read through the Song of Solomon and you’ll see how he viewed his beloved. He speaks about her features, her smell, her taste, her beauty, her body, her breasts. Quite explicit! In fact, logic alone tells us that if we were not meant to enjoy our partner, there would be no need for sex to be pleasurable — just make a baby and call it done! Truthfully sex is like a Lays potato chip…no one wants to eat just one and never have one again! Paul even says not to deny each other except by mutual consent — why — because it opens the door for temptation. I really could stay on this point for a long time. I ask you Godly ladies to ponder this…if you are denying your husband in this area, is it any wonder that men are tempted to stray. Solomon has already told us how men admire beauty. Wouldn’t you want your man to be so satisfied at home that he is in no way tempted to look elsewhere to have his needs met? Renew your mind in this area by meeting your husbands needs and watch how he begins to honor you and give you the emotional support you need. Choose to be obedient and watch God begin to bless you!
  • There are differences in the two genders. We live in a society that wants to say that men and women are the same. Yes we are the same in that Christ died for us all. He fills us with His Spirit and gives us gifts, and in that respect, we are indeed equal. But make no mistake we do not have the same abilities, nor do we have the same roles. Woman was created to be a helpmate for the man. God created Adam and saw that it was not good for him to be alone. So he created a suitable helper for him. Psalm 31 talks about a godly wife and what she does for her family. Ladies, are you providing food for your family? Are you giving good and not evil to your husband? Are strength and dignity your clothing? Do you open your mouth in wisdom, and is the teaching of kindness on your tongue? Do you eat the bread of idleness? Do your children rise up and and bless you? Does your husband? I’m certainly not against being a hard working woman and to some extent being independent, but when it comes to the home, there is a certain order to things. If we want to “known” for anything, let it be for making our husbands successful. Finish reading this Psalm to see what your reward is!!!!
  • The husband being the head of the home and wifely submission are a picture of Christ and the Church. Think about the sexual union in regards to the level of intimacy and trust it requires. At no other time will you be as totally known and absolutely vulnerable than during sexual intimacy. It’s a real picture of our union with Christ. We are completely naked before Him and there is not one inch of us that He doesn’t know. Every secret, every feeling, every thought, and every desire is laid bare. Just as we are naked before our mate and fully known, every intimate part of us, so we are known by Christ. There’s no deeper or more personal way to express yourself to your mate than sexually, so is the picture of our intimacy with the Lord. We share that private place with One. Our desire to please and be with our mate is a type and shadow of that oneness with our King, our Beloved. If you do not desire intimacy with your husband, and if you are denying him, it’s a picture of a deeper spiritual problem that needs to be addressed. Ask the Lord to show you where the offense is and where error entered and deal with it. You should long to be intimate with your spouse, and not be separated from him.

Now, there is so much more that I could say. And I will go deeper than this in a future article. For now, let this sink in and search out the Scripture, asking God for revelation that sets you free. Start with the scriptures below and dig in!!

2 Timothy 3:16–17

1 Corinthians 7:1–5

Song of Song 1–8

Proverbs 5:19

Psalm 31

Ephesians 5:22–33

Genesis 2:18

Much love!💕

    Patty R. Newton

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