In today’s news, President Trump responded to allegations that he’s just making stuff up to detract attention away from the Russian scandal.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What I do know is that Obama hid a snipe somewhere in the White House and we need to look for it immediately. I‘ve seen it using my twitter account! Any unusual tweets that are written on my account are from that snipe! The Obama’s are using the snipe to get back into the White House! I’m going to request that all personnel be taken off of any other investigation (or potential investigation) and be brought in to hunt for that snipe!”
In a later press conference, Sean Spicer asked the press to be very, very quite and to not ask any questions, as it is well known that snipe are easily spooked and that they will never catch it if the press continued to shout at him. He then put on a red hunting cap and stalked out of the room.
Steve Bannon also issued a press release stating that Muslim immigrants may inadvertently be bringing snipe into the country and that all muslims will be strip searched in customs for their own protection. “As everyone knows, we have a snipe problem in this country. Snipe have gotten into our highest office and we must do everything in our power to prevent this from becoming a major snipe outbreak.” Bannon went on to say that a sure sign of a hidden snipe is goosebumps (or snipebumps). If a person being strip search in our air conditioned customs office were to have snipebumps, they will be deported immediately.