I recently gave a speech about my vision for my own life. More specifically, the plan on how I was going to achieve it.
In preparing the speech I gained clarity on a couple of things. If I was that to live the life I wish to live, I would need to make money from writing.
Now, this was a revelation to me. Throughout my life, I would never have thought of myself as a writer. I am good at mathematics and science, not English.
After the speech, a good friend told me he could see me writing a book called ‘living a life you can be proud of’.
You know what, I may just do that.
But the main thing that got me thinking was this idea of pride or being proud. And I asked myself the question, ‘what is pride?’ and ‘what does it mean to be proud?’.
When you look at the different definitions of pride and being proud, there are more than one. Things then get confusing.
But let’s dig into the different types and decide which one we are talking about.
Self-pride
Self-pride is concerned with how you feel about yourself. It involves no-one else.
One way to feel self-pride is from things you have done for yourself. It is the positive feelings from something you have done. Normally something difficult, to achieve a longer-term goal.
I want to be fit and healthy. I get up at 5:50 am to go for a run and lift weights. Getting up and doing the work is hard. I have a mental war in my mind every morning. A fight, whether I get out of bed and do the work or I don’t. Whether I stay in bed and just dream of being fit and healthy. Every morning I have that battle. If I get out of bed and do the work, then I carry a feeling of pride in myself throughout the rest of the day. If I don’t, I carry the feeling of unfulfilled potential. The feeling of could have, should have and would have. Living in a land of excuses. A feeling of disappointment.
Self-pride is also a feeling of your own worth or self-respect. You will feel this when you say no to certain things. No to the things that take me away from who I want to be.
Recently there was a McMillan coffee morning at work. People brought in cakes, scones and biscuits. All to raise money for cancer research. It’s a good cause and the treats were tempting. But I said no. I didn’t eat the sugary treats. It was also a colleagues birthday last week. Again cakes, biscuits and chocolates were brought in for the team. I strayed a little, as I had one small caramel chocolate. But I said no to the rest. Saying no was keeping me on the path to who I want to be.
Pride in others
You can feel pride in someone you are connected with. Your kids, wife and friends. You would feel pride for them if you see their hard work, their struggle paying off. They achieve or are recognised for something. Something they have been working towards for some time.
I remember feeling immense pride in my two oldest sons after a Jiu-Jitsu grading. It lasted for two days. Four hours each day. I think they were aged 7yrs and 9yrs. I did the same grading. I felt pride in myself. But it was nothing compared to the pride I felt in them. I remember almost crying when they were handed their belts and certificates. Very few would be willing to go through that type of struggle, of hard work. If they could do that at age 7yrs and 9yrs, what could they do at 8yrs and 10yrs, or 9yrs and 11yrs?
I may have felt extra pride because I had helped train them leading up to the grading. We practised the self-defence moves and the patterns. We churned out hundreds of press-ups, sit-ups, squat thrusts and tuck jumps.
Pride in what we are responsible for
You can take pride in something you are connected with. You are responsible for. Like your work, your house, your car and your appearance.
In this situation, you set a standard, a level of expectation of yourself. You commit to not going below this standard. A commitment to yourself, not to anyone else. You keep this standard even when no-one is looking. You might always make sure your clothes are clean and freshly ironed. Your shoes might always be polished for work, every morning. Before you go to bed you might make sure all the dishes are washed, dried and put away. And the kitchen worktops are wiped down. You might wash and hoover your car every Sunday.
Ego
This one can be called false pride, or hubris. A feeling of being better or more important than others. Being cocky, arrogant or over-confident. Having an over-inflated view of how good we think we are.
Normally this comes about around other people. It’s a display of status. A display of power. Funnily enough, it tends to stem from deep-down insecurities.
It is a false pride because it does not serve our best interests. For instance, Lance Armstrong was considered a hero in the professional cycling circuit. From 1999 he won the Tour de France seven consecutive times. And that was after being diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996. Cancer that had spread to his abdomen, lungs and lymph nodes. In January 2013 Armstrong publicly admitted to doping since the mid-1990s. He was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and banned from professional cycling for life.
What would lead such a talented and driven individual to cheat?
More than likely the insecurity of losing. Being at the top of his game and being willing to do anything to keep it.
True self-pride, authentic pride would have helped create a line which you would not cross. It would have said I did this, it’s all me but there are certain things I am not willing to do to achieve it. Being proud that you weren’t seduced by the dark side.
Then the false pride comes in. Where you will do anything to appear to be better than you actually are. So you can appear to be better than others. And that you would be willing to cheat, to do unethical acts to achieve and maintain this.
Lions
Pride is also a group of lions. Now what I do find interesting is that pride wasn’t given to a group of ducks. It wasn’t given to a group of chipmunks or a group of fluffy bunny rabbits. It was given to a group of lions.
Perhaps feeling like a lion is how self-pride should feel.
Lion-heart — this is the emotional domain. This is the feeling of bravery, of courage. Feeling fear and doing it anyway.
Lion-mind — this is the mental domain. Not being distracted by small little things. Keeping focused on the big longer-term goals were are trying to achieve.
Lion-body — this is the physical domain. Lions are big cats. They are strong, muscular, lithe and agile. They don’t graze all day, they eat when they are hungry. They aren’t just given a meal, they have to hunt their prey. They have to work for it.
Lion-spirit — this is the spiritual domain. How we fit into the world. The lion is the king of the jungle. Whatever arena we choose to fight in, we aim to be the best we can be. The best version of ourselves. We are no here to not lose, we are here to win.
Takeaways
The word ‘pride’ is used for several different meanings. Which can make it confusing when we use it in conversation.
When we talk about being ‘proud’ of ourselves or taking ‘pride’ in our-self. I believe we are talking about self-pride. The happy, positive emotion we feel for the things we have done or not done. This is also the arena around which we should be trying to build our lives.
When we talk about ‘pride’ coming before a fall, we are talking about false pride. Thinking we are superior to others. Feeling over-confident in our abilities. Not being willing to give in even if it damages us. Doing unethical things that we shouldn’t be doing.
‘Pride’ is also used for a group of lions. And when we have built up some self-pride, that’s how we should feel. Like a lion.
Footnotes
Whilst researching for this article, I came across a lady called Jessica Tracy. Jessica Tracy researches about Pride and Shame.
You can read about her here: https://psych.ubc.ca/profile/jessica-tracy/
She also has written a book on pride that I intend to read:
‘Take Pride’ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Take-Pride-Deadliest-Secret-Success/dp/0544273176
I also listened to a podcast where she was interviewed by Jordan Harbinger from the Art of Charm:
Originally published at https://www.paul-davy.co.uk on September 28, 2019.
