Aaron Rodgers Claims Biden Lost, Packers Won
Who was the real victor in the NFC divisional playoff game?
Two days after his anti-vaccination rant on ESPN, in which he lambasted President Biden’s “fake White House”, Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers proclaimed that the Packers had beaten the San Francisco 49ers in last Sunday’s NFC divisional playoff game.
“But how do you explain that the scoreboard recorded a 13–10 San Francisco victory?” asked Fake News Host, Sal Drivel.
“We won. In fact, it was a landslide. Ask anyone.”
“Still, millions of fans — 81 million of them, I hear— will claim they watched you on television walking off the field with your head down.”
“That must have been a different bearded, scraggly-haired, MVP-winning quarterback. How could those effete, elitist West Coast liberals have beaten a Midwestern, real-American team in the swirling snow and biting cold of its own home field? Talk about implausible!”
“I believe you, but the Libs will surely ask you for evidence. You know how they are.”
“I heard it on Joe Rogan. What more do you need?”
“But weren’t you playing in the game?”
“Well, Sal, where I was and what I was doing at a given time and place is a matter of opinion.”
And besides, the quarterback great added:
“When in the course of human history has the side that’s doing the censoring and trying to shut people up and make them show papers and marginalize a part of the community ever been [the correct side]?”
“So, where do you go next?”
“All the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. But now I have to leave. I’m slated to be the guest speaker at JFK Jr.’s inauguration.”
The bearded, scraggly-haired, MVP-winning quarterback strolled off, marching as always to the beat of a different drummer.