Phonebox
It’s supposed to be summer. Marion is out walking Spud, her wee springer spaniel. It’s pishing doon as usual, what else do you expect in Scotland in the middle of July?
She’s going her normal route, across the park, down by the shops and then up past the chippy. She yanks at Spud’s lead and pulls him to a stop to see if she’s got enough change for a chip roll and a pickle, she’s 50p short.
Desperate for an unhealthy but satisfying munch, she heads to the phone box because she’s left her mobile in the hoose. She thinks to herself that she’ll give Wee Lee a phone and see if he’ll head down on his bike with a pound for her.
She walks up to the phone box and it’s covered in menshies. She usually walks past it without a second glance but notices that is almost done in, the door has been stolen and somebody has drawn a boaby on the handle with green pen. She goes to pick up the receiver and before she can it starts to ring.
“Fuck me, Spud”, she shouts. “I just about shat myself there.”
Marion gingerly leans in and picks up the phone, which has an old bit of chugee stuck to the bottom.
“Hello”, she croaks, not knowing who’ll be on the other end of the line.
“Hello Marion”, rasps a man she has never spoken to before. “Nae money for chips, eh hen?”
Marion panics. She hangs up the phone and immediately dials her house phone number.
Wee Lee is lying on the couch when he hears the dull ring from the static phone in the hall.
He meanders over and picks it up.
“Hullo?”
“Lee, it’s Marion. Gonnae jump doon to the phone box wae a pound so a can get a munch? I’ll get ye a fritter roll if ye bring £1.50?”
“Aye, nae bother, I’ll be doon the noo. You order it, make sure ye get me plenty salt and vinegar.”
Marion walks over to the chippy and tries to forget about the man on the other end of the phone.
Lee appears and they get their scran and walk slowly together, up the same way Marion came down and as they pass the phone box it rings again.
“That did that to me five minutes ago, said Marion. “Can you pick it up Lee?”
“Aye, ok, it’ll just be a wrang number.”
“Hullo? Phone box here.”
“Awright Lee, how’s yer fritter roll? Mind the last time you got wan wae Graham? A seen ye that day as well.”
Wee Lee pushes hard on the receiver and turns to Marion.
“Did that guy ken your name anaw, son?”
“Aye” shouts Lee, “And he said he seen me the last time a had a fritter roll when a was doon wae Graham. I’m phoning him to see if he kens who it is.”
Lee tries to call his big mate Graham but there’s no answer.
Graham, a few years older than Lee has always looked out for his neighbour and cousin (they’re no really cousins, just a cousin cause their maws are pals).
He never answered the phone because he was out a jog, he was training for the big marathon that came to the town every four years and he was desperate to run under 5 hours this time.
He was out on a 7-mile jog and was coming round the corner past the chippy when something made him change direction and go towards the phone box.
He heard it ring loudly over the music blaring from his wireless headphones.
He stopped.
“Hello” he panted.
“Graham! Did you speak to Wee Lee? I said to him about that time you and him got a fritter roll.”
Graham stopped for a minute and wondered if this was someone playing a prank on him, Lee was notorious for a wind up but it didn’t sound like one his regular accents.
“Listen ya creepy cunt, if a find oot who you ur, I’ll batter ye that bad you’ll be eating yer Rice Crispies was a straw. Got it?”
“Whatever you say big man” the man’s voice croaked back, “Tell Bobby I was asking for him, I know you two are close.”
Graham abandoned his usual route and went straight to Bobby’s.
He chapped the door and Bobby answered.
He was the hardest guy in the toon but him and Graham had a secret that they worked closely to guard and they thought they had taken every precaution to ensure it was kept under wraps.
“Some cunt knows” explained Graham.
“Shhh, my wife’s in there making lentil soup. Mon we’ll go to the garage.
“How could anybody find oot, we’re that careful”, said Bobby.
Graham looked at his colleagues 6ft 4inch frame and gulped.
“I said to Wee Lee. He was wanting to get involved but I said I would have to speak to you first. Then the phone box rang and noo I think Marion knows as well and you ken what she’s like!”
Bobby stood stroking his numerous chins and you could just about see the lightbulb flicker on in his oversized and over-beaten head.
“We’ll go doon to the phone box and see what happens and see what this guy really knows”
The pair jump in Bobby’s Audi A4 and head the two minutes down to the main road.
They parked up and got out the motor. Bobby was less than five metres away from the phone box and he could already hear it ringing.
“This is Bobby, who is this and what do you know”
“Ah Bobby, I knew you wouldn’t be long behind your pal. What you two been up to, eh?”
Bobby hung up the phone, dialled Marion’s hoose number and demanded her and Wee Lee went down there as soon as they could.
The pair, armed with Spud the dug, stoated down and the four of them looked at each other and then they all looked at the phone.
It stayed silent.
Across the road in the chippy, auld Tam, the head fryer, picked up the phone and dialled a number he knew very well.
The phone box rang.
Graham jumped forward and yelled “Who is this?”
“When is it you two play Dungeons and Dragons? I know you’re meant to be the ‘hard men’ about this place but I just want to be involved.”
Graham looked at Bobby and then at Wee Lee.
“This guy kens about Double D.”
Bobby nodded towards the phone and towards Wee Lee.
They were accepted.
“Tuesday nights, 8 o’clock, Bobby’s garage.”
“I’ll be there, says Tam, “Are you wanting salt ‘n’ vinegar on your chips or just salt?”