The God Question: ‘Listen’ and ‘Resolve’ — Week 7 (Revisiting ‘Spiritual Boot Camp’)
Part eight of a series. Read the intention and introduction here.
_________
In week 7 of ‘Spiritual Boot Camp,’ the focus was on two directives:
- “Listen,” which meant paying attention not only to sounds of the world around us, but what we say to ourselves; and
- “Resolve,” which meant paying attention to procrastination, or, the “Scarlett O’Hara mentality” of “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
As far as “listening” to what I say to myself, ‘Boot Camp’ keeps pushing a huge button over and over: the endless question of “What am I doing with my life?”
The Science of Mind / New Thought philosophy says “You are unlimited. If you believe that, you can achieve anything you want.”
Some days I agree with that, others I don’t. If my belief were consistent, I’d stop doing things that aren’t fulfilling (like my day job) and trust my choices will lead to where I want, or dream, to be.
The inconsistency of my belief traps me in a bubble of fear and stress.
I’m unhappy if I stay where I am, but if I make changes and fail, I’ll still be unhappy. It’s a never-ending cycle, with no way out or way to “win.”
This week, I felt the gravity of “boxing myself in.”
The next morning in the ‘Boot Camp’ online chat room, I wrote, “I really don’t like what I “hear” unless I’m relaxed and quiet. That’s only at night and on the weekends.”
James, our teacher, laughed, but responded seriously. “It can’t only be nights and weekends. You better make sure your entire day is filled being at peace with where you are in God’s perfect place.”
There it was.
That word.
God.
I had a reaction I couldn’t explain, but blew it off.
We moved on to the “resolve” portion of the directives. Boot Campers were asked to score their ability to resolve issues. Were challenges handled immediately, or did anyone go the Scarlett O’Hara route?
I wrote, “I’m not sure how to score myself. Nothing came up this week that needed to be resolved; well, except for what I’m doing with my life, and there is no resolution for that right now.”
James turned my words over to Boot Campers, “OK, people. How do you resolve the question of ‘what am I supposed to do with my life?’
Tamara suggested I make a list of everything I feel passionate about, or like to do, then see if a career came from that.
Rita answered that what she does is “take a breath and have faith.”
Jonathan, a ministerial student, said “[In the past] when things came up in my life, I would typically say “Oh My God!” Now I say, “Oh, *I’m* God.”
James looked into the camera, “OK, Paul. That’s the exact answer. You are God!”
There was that word again.
God.
The word I’d blown off minutes before.
To someone unfamiliar with Science of Mind / New Thought philosophy, the idea of saying “I am God” might sound like a claim of omnipotence or ability to control the weather.
That’s not it.
In Science of Mind / New Thought, God is an energy. You can call the energy God. You can call the energy “The Universe” or “Spirit” or “Steve.” Whatever. Each individual human being is an aspect of this energy. An aspect of God, Universe, Spirit or Steve.
Using the phraseology of my spiritual community, I, for example, might say, “I am a unique and Divine expression of God known as Paul Katz.”
I haven’t mentioned God once during this series, until now. I was afraid to, for fear of being judged as variations of “crazy” or “offensive.”
As I study more of Science of Mind, I realize I never had a relationship with God.
Although I was raised Jewish, went to Hebrew school, and had a Bar Mitzvah, no one in my immediate or extended family were devoutly religious. God was never a “fear tactic” in my home. I was not taught that God would reward me if I was good, or punish me if I was bad.
The only times I came close to having a feeling of connection to anything related to God was when I did a production of Godspell in high school, or when Prince, Barbra Streisand or Bette Midler sang a song overtly about God.
I never bought into the idea of a “dude in the sky” doling out reward and punishment.
The idea of “God is within” is a big reason I feel comfortable with New Thought philosophy. Each and every one of us being individual expressions of God makes sense to me.
For months now, each Sunday, as part of the choir, I’m singing songs filled with affirmations expressing that concept. In New Thought, God is everything. All over the place.
However, when James looked into the camera and said, “Paul, you are God,” I was uncomfortable.
As much as I like the concept, I’ve been blowing off the idea of God in what I’m learning. I haven’t accepted or internalized the belief, which means I’ve been giving lip service and inauthentic.
James said, “God as Paul Katz knows exactly what he needs to be doing. There is something in you that knows, and that’s God. God knows, and you are God.”
I replied, “I’ve never had a relationship with God and can see that’s why I’m confused. I grew up without a belief and don’t seem to know how to find or connect to the belief!”
Especially if you’re telling me I *Am* God!
“Here’s your challenge, Paul.” James responded. “I get that you [feel a separation] when it comes to God, but you also share that you [feel a separation] when it comes to yourself.”
“To the degree that you can’t find a belief in God, you also have a problem believing in yourself. That’s because you and God are the same thing.”
“You said earlier ‘nothing is coming up that I feel I need to resolve,’ but how important is it to say ‘I have no connection to God?’ Saying you have no connection to God is a huge thing to resolve!”
It certainly is, especially if I intend for New Thought to be a focus of my life’s spiritual path.
James shared a quote from a book by Jim Lockard called Sacred Thinking.
“What you identify with, you become.”
I have identified with being uncertain on my feelings about God. I embody uncertainty that God is within me, and also embody uncertainty of self. The idea makes complete sense intellectually; I have a ways to go in terms of truly feeling it.
The day after this Boot Camp session, Annie Lennox’s cover of “I Can’t Get Next To You” started running through my head.
I can turn the gray sky blue
I can make it rain, when I want it to
I can build a castle from a single grain of sand….
….but I can’t get next to you.
Those lyrics took on a completely new meaning.
God is trying to get “next to” me, and can’t.
It was as if a “higher guidance” put the song in my mind to help me make sense of everything I’m being presented with.
I wondered if my lack of relationship with God, Universe, Spirit, or Steve, is why I never break certain cycles in my life. Breaking free is going to mean having more faith in myself than I’ve had in years, which may also mean having faith in the idea of God.
If my intention is to live a life rooted in New Thought philosophy, I know I must listen closely and resolve the God question.
_________
Addendum May 2022
I have resolved ‘the God question.’
I am 100% of the belief that there is no separation between me and God. God is not outside of me. God is not “next to” me. God is as close as the next breath, or, as one of my favorite New Thought songs says, “nearer than the air.”
We are all unique and divine expressions of God.
This essay is being republished after a series of mass shootings in America. When these shootings happen, many ask “How could God allow this?” or “Where is God in all of this?”
God is not involved. It may be tough for people to understand, but God is indifferent. As humans, we are given free will. The “God within us” decides what to do with it.
On January 8, 2011, the day Gabrielle Giffords, a congressperson from Arizona, was shot, I was in a class studying for a spiritual practitioner’s license. Our teacher, Keith Cox, asked a provoking question.
“Can you see the eyes of God in the mugshot of the shooter?”
Wow, was that a challenge! It was hard to accept that the shooter was as much an expression of God as anyone else, but easy to understand God was buried under layers and layers of demented, deranged *human-ness.*
I also don’t believe in a dualistic Universe. It’s not God vs. Devil in the spiritual world. In the light, “It’s all good and it’s all God.” Hell and The Devil are man-made constructs, designed to keep people in fear and anger.
I’m unshakeable and solid in this belief. A radical shift from where I started.
Next // Week 8: Boundaries and Priorities (Selfish vs. Selfless)
This essay was initially published March 17, 2010 on The Huffington Post.
This May 2022 version has been edited and revised with expanded ideas and added context.
