The Ever Expanding Definition of Collusion
Parker O'Brien

June 3, 2016 (Rob Goldtone)

Emin just called and asked me to contact you with something very interesting.

The Grand Wizard of the KKK met with his father Aras this morning and offered to provide the Trump campaign with some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with a child-sex ring operating from a Washington pizzaria and would be very useful to your father.

This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of the KKK’s support for Mr. Trump — helped along by Aras and Emin.

What do you think is the best way to handle this information and would you be able to speak to Emin about it directly?

(Duckie Trump Jr)

Thanks Rob I appreciate that. Seems we have some time and if it’s what you say I love it especially later in the summer. Could we do a call first thing next week when I am back?

(Republican Interpretation)

This is a nothing-burger. The person in the meeting flew in from the capital of the KKK, but was not in any way related to the KKK (we know this for a fact because she said so on camera). The meeting was actually about the ASPCA and the adoption of KKK puppies, which have been neglected due to the Magnanimousky Act. Duckie Jr, Paul Handanfoot, and Jared J. Jared were able to determine in a very, very quick way that the meeting was pointless within 20 minutes and left feeling somehow agitated about it. The Dems will undoubtedly try to whip this into something, where there is nothing.

(Democratic Interpretation)

This is a something-burger. Duckie Jr was obviously interested in obtaining information from the Grand-Duchy of KKK and hoping to be able to use that information in a disparaging way against Hillary. This is evidence of collusion (whatever that is) at the highest levels of the Trump campaign and should result in somebody being punished. They even attempted to place an order from the Washington pizzeria, but were disappointed when they were told they did not deliver to New York. If this is truly the case, how could the meeting even last 20 minutes? — unless something was said about more than puppies!!!

(Correct Interpretation)

Someone hacked Duckie Jr’s twitter and released fake emails concocted by the Russo-Serbian hacker league (unaffiliated with Voldemort Putin) and used a ventriloquist’s dummy of Duckie Jr to speak words full of lies on Foxy News programs. What did he mean by ‘I love it especially later in the summer”? You cannot believe what anybody says or does anymore as it is all fake news. The President confirmed that they are reverse xenophobes, calling Duckie Jr ‘a high quality transparent person’ — a known reference to the invisible alien race called the Grey’s — anatomy of which can appear to look like any normal person. There is no truth, only consequences.

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