Relaxed performances

What does it mean to be more relaxed? And why is it essential for us all?

Over the past year, we’ve been delighted to work with The Royal Albert Hall in London in helping to promote their relaxed late-night jazz gigs.

I’m really behind the idea of ‘relaxed’ performances. Still, I’d love to see a world where things don’t need to have labels such as ‘relaxed’ but a world where everyone was just a bit kinder and more relaxed towards the needs of neurodiverse and disabled people.

The Good, the Bad, and the f**king Ugly

A few year’s ago there was an incident at the BFI cinema in London where an autistic woman laughed out loud in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. It was her favourite film (and funnily enough, it is one of mine) and there are some funny bits. It is not a crime to laugh in a movie, but a man behind her complained and shouted, “Shut the f*ck up, b*tch” to her. The cinema’s response was to ask her to leave.

Can you imagine how distressing that must have been for her?

Of course, they should have hurled out the abusive man and told him never to darken their doorstep again. Needless to say, their decision to ask her to leave backfired quite seriously for them, and they apologised. Sadly it’s always too late when this sort of thing happens, though, and awful that other audience members didn’t stick up for her.

No dancing at a pop concert?

“Stop dancing, it’s our policy not to allow it at this pop concert!”

We had an incident at Gig Buddies a few years back where a young man, who is autistic and has a learning disability, went to see one of his favourite bands, ABC, perform their classic Lexicon of Love album along with an orchestra.

As customary at pop concerts, he stood up to dance and was swiftly told to sit down.

This was upsetting and confusing for him.

However, the next day a fellow gig-goer (sitting behind him) copied us into a complaint email they’d sent to the venue about the incident. They’d noticed he was wearing a Gig Buddies t-shirt and complained about the steward’s actions in distressing his man. After all, all he was doing was dancing at a pop concert.

Although this spoiled the night for him, it was lovely to realise that kind people are willing to show such acts of solidarity.

The unwritten rules

It can be difficult for people with intellectual disabilities and neurodiverse people to navigate, especially when there are so many unwritten rules to try and understand or fall foul of.

It may seem trivial, but I got invited to the opera last year. I’d always understood you shouldn’t clap between movements at a classical concert, so I was surprised to hear everyone clap after every chorus and solo.

The other year I went into a bar in Vienna and ordered a pint; I got shouted at and told to sit down and wait my turn. Imagine you were Austrian and came to a British pub for the first time ever; you’d be waiting a long time at your table waiting to be served and probably leave thinking the table service was crap.

Nobody writes these rules down. You just know them. This is where our Gig Buddies project comes in, as it helps people to navigate their communities and learn how things work.

Good and bad traditions

Some of these rules are cultural traditions, and that’s good because they underpin how diverse cultures are. Every culture has its quirks and customs, and that’s to be cherished. Unless, of course, they undermine the rights of fellow citizens.

However, some rules make no sense to neurodiverse people and need challenging.

Why isn’t it ok to dance at a pop concert?

Why isn’t it ok to laugh in a film?

Why isn’t the abusive man in the cinema thrown out and not the autistic person?

Why can you only sing along to some musicals?

And why do all the rules get relaxed for pantomimes?

It has sometimes been different, too. If you went to The Globe Theatre in the 1600s, you wouldn’t find people sitting and watching Shakespeare silently like today. They would be clapping the heroes, booing the villains, cheering the special effects and eating their packed lunches.

Relax, don’t do it

I went to an incredible show a few years back by Jess Thom, aka Tourette’s Hero, where she talked in heartbreaking terms about the way she had been openly discriminated against by theatre staff due to her neurodiversity, something which she has no control over.

I must be honest and say I can’t stand it when people constantly talk at gigs, but that’s different. I wonder why those people buy tickets to things at all, as it’s cheaper to sit in a pub and chat. Those sorts of people are just rude.

But if people can’t conform to the usual ‘rules’ for events, I don’t think it’s for them to have to change how they behave. It’s us who need to change.

If I’ve spent £10 to watch a film and was interrupted because a neurodivergent person was also enjoying it, it isn’t the end of the world. It may not have been quite the night I’d planned but its cost me £10.

Imagine being that person, though, and fearing you would upset people whenever you wanted to go out to see a band or a film.

The answer is straightforward. As a society, we need to relax and accept that people who may behave differently from us are perfectly entitled to enjoy the same things that we do.

Maybe if we all thought about the ‘rules’ that we have around certain things and whether these need to exist at all might end up making us more relaxed as people and society a more welcoming place for people with learning disabilities.

A relaxed society is a kinder society.

(But that still means you’re irritating if you constantly chat at gigs because you have a sense of entitlement!)

Essentially, and I include myself in this, we all need to get just over ourselves a little!