The Poshest of Dreams
Supporting people with learning disabilities to make their dreams come true — and stop seeing small things in life as unachievable dreams.
This week we’re all excited in Brighton. The Albion are gearing up to play Manchester United at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-finals.
We’ve only played at Wembley five times in the club’s 122-year history. It only happens occasionally. I thought about a man I met at a workshop I ran a few years ago at a Learning Disability England conference. The focus of the session was ‘making things happen.’
Barry’s Posh Dream
One man, ‘Barry’, said he dreamed of seeing Peterborough United (also known as ‘The Posh’) play at Wembley. They’ve played at Wembley fewer times than Brighton, so I asked him to tell me more about his dream. His support worker chipped in before he could speak and told the room that he was a lifelong Peterborough fan and would have loved to see them play in the Football League Trophy final against Chesterfield (which they also won.) However, it was “far too short notice to make it happen this time, but next time we’ll plan it with you, won’t we?”
It was such a frustrating moment. The support workers were already explaining why his dreams were dashed when they were presented with a brilliant opportunity to support him in having his absolute dream day out. Without wanting to upset any Peterborough fans out there, they’ve played Wembley twice in 89 years. By my reckoning, their next appearance will be somewhere around 2050!
How could this have been supported differently?
To my mind ‘Barry’s’ support worker should have first celebrated this fantastic opportunity and set about how to make it happen for him. Even if he didn’t have the money available, there were many ways to get a relatively small amount of money. Cakes sales, ask family for a loan, use your savings etc. Maybe the whole day (including food and souvenirs) would have come to £200, but imagine the memories and stories ‘Barry’ would have for the rest of his life. Instead, picture the crushing disappointment of knowing your team were playing at a cup final, and you had no way of going.
What a missed opportunity.
Making our dreams come true
I led another workshop a few years ago in Chester with a similar theme;
‘What are your dreams, and how are you going to make them happen?’
The room was full of people with learning disabilities and many support workers. I asked people to dream big but dream up things that could be possible. The amazing thing was that as everyone fed back their dreams, 75% of these were things I thought could probably happen that evening.
I’m going to call these things’ Category 1' dreams. Things like:
- Go to the pub with my mates
- Go to the movies
- Have a meal out with my mates
- Go bowling
- Make cakes
- Join a drama group
- Spend more time with my family
- See a musical
- Join a walking group
How do people with learning disabilities see these things as dreams? They should not be, and it’s our gift as support workers and managers to make these things happen regularly. It was heartbreaking to hear how these were all considered too challenging to achieve.
About 15% of the dreams were things like:
- watch Manchester United at Old Trafford
- visit Disneyland Europe
- go to a music festival
- go up in a hot air balloon
- go on a blind date
- go glamping
- play in a band
These would take more planning, but all be achievable with planning.
I’ll call these ‘Category 2’ dreams and put ‘Barry’s’ dream of seeing Peterborough United play at Wembley in this list.
Then there were 10% of the dreams were really big ones:
- To visit family in India
- Go to the USA — Las Vegas, California, New York
- Visit Graceland
- Watch England play in the world cup abroad
- Go in a car rally
These will take much more planning and saving and might take many years to realise, but they are not pie-in-the-sky ideas.
These are our ‘Category 3’ dreams.
There was also a fourth category which felt like more permanent things people wanted in their lives:
- Find a partner
- Learn to drive
- Get a job
- Starting a family
“if not you, who? If not now, when?”
A couple of years ago at Glastonbury Festival, I picked up a tote bag with the slogan “If not you who, if not now when?” written on it. It’s a great provocation to remind us of our personal responsibility in all areas of our lives. We can blame everything and everyone else, but we have a role in creating a better world.
It struck me that this is precisely the sort of culture ‘Barry’ needed to be living in when he heard Peterborough would play at Wembley.
We all need to adopt a ‘make things happen’ mindset. In 2008, we heard that the Heavy Load movie was to be premiered at SXSW in Austin, Texas. Just imagine how exciting that was for us. A film about our band was being shown to audiences at the world’s greatest music and film festival. There was a six-week window to make the trip out there happen, and I tried, but it turned out that we’d need to find a lot of money to get us to sit in a few cinemas and do some Q&As. It wasn’t the best way to spend a lot of money. However, we also knew the movie would be shown on TV in the USA later that year and I worked my socks off to make that trip happen. I also managed to organise a gig in a venue in New York, a place I’d never been to before in my life.
It was the trip of a lifetime for us all and gave us beautiful memories and some hilarious stories. I’d not thought through the logistics of booking a gig in a place I’d never been to, but somehow we made it happen, found an excellent hip-hop band to support us, and a lovely crowd showed up.
We made it happen. Much like Peterborough, this was a one-off opportunity. There would never be another chance of us doing something as wild as playing in New York, and it wasn’t even something we’d dream would be possible as a band.
Creating continuity and great cultures
I think one of the significant challenges people with learning disabilities face is that there can be a high turnover of staff. So not only is it sometimes hard for dreams and plans to be recognised, but the long-term planning needed can get lost when staff leave.
We need a total culture shift here — peoples’ dreams are sacred.
Seizing opportunities
We can plan for some things in life, that big trip to see family in India or a road trip across the USA, but others come up without too much warning. (Your team playing in a final, your favourite band reforming and playing a come-back show, watching a coronation.)
As support workers and managers, we need to make sure we view these opportunities as precious, not to be missed events. Things that will be life-changing, whatever the result.
But also, think about how much more excellent your work will be if you support people to live out their dreams. You may even experience some of these fantastic things alongside them, but even if you don’t, you’re part of helping to achieve something remarkable.
And don’t forget that many people currently have quite humble dreams, so what is stopping us from making these happen right here, right now?
