Rituals Have Utility: Reflections on my Cousin’s Funeral

Yesterday I attended the funeral of one of my male cousins with whom I grew up, in rural Jamaica. The sun had set on his life on March 12. Attendance at funerals usually plunge me into a reflective cognitive state, somber and melancholy even. So, as the service went on, I “connected a few dots,” some of which I later spoke about.

A recurrent theme emerged from the tributes — that my cousin, Anthony, was a “quiet man,” not given to many words, but was a man who cared deeply for his loved ones, and a genuine friend to others. It did not escape my notice that such a description aptly reflected the mien of my father and my good self. Anthony was an Introvert! For sometime now, based on evidence, I have been lured to the conclusion that Introversion runs in my family.

I made a few remarks. Family and community members expect me to speak at the funerals of other family members. In fact, a few years ago one of uncles “pre-booked” me to write and deliver the eulogy at his funeral.

In my remarks I noted that Tony was five months older than me; I noted that he and I never exchanged a harsh word to each other. I noted that the funeral services for his mother (my aunt), his sister (my cousin), and another one of our cousins were held at the same church. I also noted that his interment at our hometown cemetery would be something of a big reunion, as he would be joining the following family members already interred there: his mother and sister; our grandmother; two aunts; two uncles; and four cousins! I noted that death is a road we all will travel, just at different times. And I closed by saying how we are remembered, is often related to how we lived.

Anthony had a “big” funeral, reflecting, I think, the regard in which he was held by his family, relatives, co-workers, and other members of the community. He also benefitted from the “good name” of our family, bequeathed to us by our elders, and maintained by us. His spouse and children wept uncontrollably. As his coffin was lowered, they had to be supported by other persons.

Funerals are as much for the deceased as they are for the bereaved — they show respect for the former and provide a measure of comfort to the latter. Rituals do have their utility. One of the brutally stubborn truths about death is that the world doesn’t stop in the wake of anyone’s death. Be they kings or peasants. All “indispensable men,” it has been said, lie in cemeteries.