A Ghost Story - à la folie

Payal Ganga
Nov 1 · 5 min read

Because memories fall apart, too. And then you’re left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow.

[Background: A winter sky, Few pigeons staring at my window, Playing music *dark fur elise*, a sudden death of the presence]

When a person turns into a ghost story, everything else turns tasteless and dead. Not everyone is lucky to in the list of luck, or maybe few are not in the list of luck or love. And how unfair life feels after that. But there’s a hopeless ‘hope’. That tiny light that reminds you that everything will be okay or maybe you’ll get used to it. Life is unfair because suddenly you’re unloved and then it takes years to drain that pain out of yourself.

It isn’t about the person who unloved, the person who was so hard on you, the person who maybe cared very little about you, the person took all the decisions and left you with suffering; but it’s about only 'You’.

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did. But we don’t.”

But at the end of the day, let it go. Like a balloon you let go in open sky. Let go of yourself first. You know, i believe in spirits. A tiny little spirit lives inside all of us, a spark of light, deeming all the negativity in us, travels from here to there. Maybe your body is here, but your spirit is somewhere travelling a thousand miles away. Or maybe your spirit is dancing with another spirit on clouds under the moonlight. Both spirits laughing on reality of both humans. Maybe not in this life, maybe next one.

A ghost story because after a time you’ll be forgotten, so your stories. No! It’s not that painful because when he’ll sit alone at night in complete darkness, he will remember me. The waves of true love, will cross his mind and heart: and that time, mind will lose control over heart. And to admit all of these, one must requires extreme honesty.

`If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.`

I went through the pain, sufferings, nightmares, loneliness, depression. But I believed that there’s a life waiting for me after all these ends.

The cloud of happiness in my life is colourless. The happiness is like an apple. An apple which is complete red and juicy but when i touch it, it goes colourless. When i eat it, it is tasteless and hollow. When i laugh with other people, I laugh laughless, like there’s an absence of something in my heart. When I laugh, it feels like only air is coming out of my mouth instead of a sound of laughter. There’s no tickle in my stomach.

It’s funny

She laughs

Like she has never known

Love

Loneliness

Or the darkness of night

And yet

In her silence

I know she is familiar with

Far worse

And far greater

Than i may ever wish to know.

It’s been 6 months but in my heart it feels like 6 years of separation. Though with everything, I am getting older, found few white hair in head. I think everything came at me in very fast speed, that’s why i stumbled and fallen down. Now, suffering to get up. Deep down I knew that he could’ve hold my hand. But we make our choices and we live with them, even they could be wrong.

Again leaving two great poems to heal your heart if you’ve been there or maybe I am making stories out of your silence, but it kills. We must keep at least one promise. (To know about each other’s life.. I’ll wait)

The Night Dances By Sylvia Plath

A smile fell in the grass.
Irretrievable!

And how will your night dances
Lose themselves. In mathematics?

Such pure leaps and spirals ——
Surely they travel

The world forever, I shall not entirely
Sit emptied of beauties, the gift

Of your small breath, the drenched grass
Smell of your sleeps, lilies, lilies.

Their flesh bears no relation.
Cold folds of ego, the calla,

And the tiger, embellishing itself ——
Spots, and a spread of hot petals.

The comets
Have such a space to cross,

Such coldness, forgetfulness.
So your gestures flake off ——

Warm and human, then their pink light
Bleeding and peeling

Through the black amnesias of heaven.
Why am I given

These lamps, these planets
Falling like blessings, like flakes

Six sided, white
On my eyes, my lips, my hair

Touching and melting.
Nowhere.


baat karnī mujhe mushkil kabhī aisī to na thī

jaisī ab hai tirī mahfil kabhī aisī to na thī

le gayā chhīn ke kaun aaj tirā sabr o qarār

be-qarārī tujhe ai dil kabhī aisī to na thī

us kī āñkhoñ ne ḳhudā jaane kiyā kyā jaadū

ki tabī.at mirī maa.il kabhī aisī to na thī

aks-e-ruḳhsār ne kis ke hai tujhe chamkāyā

taab tujh meñ mah-e-kāmil kabhī aisī to na thī

ab kī jo rāh-e-mohabbat meñ uThā.ī taklīf

saḳht hotī hameñ manzil kabhī aisī to na thī

pā-e-kūbāñ koī zindāñ meñ nayā hai majnūñ

aatī āvāz-e-salāsil kabhī aisī to na thī

nigah-e-yār ko ab kyuuñ hai taġhāful ai dil

vo tire haal se ġhāfil kabhī aisī to na thī

chashm-e-qātil mirī dushman thī hamesha lekin

jaisī ab ho ga.ī qātil kabhī aisī to na thī

kyā sabab tū jo bigaḌtā hai 'zafar' se har baar

ḳhū tirī hūr-shamā.il kabhī aisī to na thī.


    Payal Ganga

    Written by

    A butterfly rests on your heart.

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