I have found myself back to You

I’ve experienced a lot of confusion in life wherein I cannot exactly determine what causes it. I’ve been in constant pain but still don’t know where it’s rooted- maybe I knew it at the very start but I still choose to disagree with it. I felt so useless and unworthy of everything I’ve done and simply for being myself. I did all my best, but life chooses not to be. I felt hanging and hopeful that things will get better soon. I’ve been waiting and waiting for things to happen and yet it does not. I felt so desperate asking someone to want and love me back. I felt desperate for holding someone who can’t hold me back. I felt desperate planning things on my own.

I felt so lost looking for my right direction — the one that I’ve been searching all along and all alone.

Failures, pains, rejections are never ending- to the point it already crushed my whole being until I’ve lost myself in the process of finding my worth and myself.

Thank you God for letting me feel this way because I’ve found my way back to you.

I’ve learned to appreciate all the hurt and pain I have experienced because it all leads me back to you.

I’ve learned to acknowledge the gift of emotions- the gift of tears, through it I was able to experience what it feels to be taken care of even if I don’t beg for it. Thank you for wiping all my tears when no one does.

I’ve learned to trust you more than anyone else, more than myself. To trust you wholeheartedly. I’ve learned to consult and offer you my plans before I dive on to it because I know you will provide better plans for me.

I’ve learned to appreciate my worth through your unending and limitless love- I’m sorry if I asked and begged someone to give it to me while You’re there always filling me up with Your graces.

I’ve learned to not dwell on the negative things that have been constantly trying my patience and understanding but to trust you more and more.

I’ve learned that no one can love me back the way you love me. It’s only You, Your love that will keep me awake and free.

Thank you for guiding me when I was lost. For walking with me when no one does. Thank you for reminding me that no one is in control but You alone.

Maybe it’s okay to feel this way, to let my heart be broken in order to reveal and remind me of Your love and for me to come back home again.

Thank you for being with me all along.