nose rings are stupid

And other things you say when your heart is beating too fast.

When I was younger I promised myself that I would never become so defeated as to become mean.

Because people who resort to meanness are tired and aching, their bodies and wrists starting to decay.

I also promised myself I would never get a nose ring. I really don’t think I’d ever look good with a nose ring.

There is no venn diagram for people with nose rings and people who are mean. All I know is that I’m not in the chart at all.

My wrists will have flowers growing and curving all over them to protect them.

Because you don’t have to be mean but sometimes the meanness still finds you.

In the corners of little girls faces and it feels stupid when your heart jumps.

Suddenly you’re a little girl again too, holding her wrists tight and her breath tighter.

The amount of times that I have feared myself getting drunk and getting a nose ring is moderate, a normal person level.

I certainly don’t live with the fear.

But for some reason, when I’m looking in a big mirror and the music isn’t working, I am only fear and fear alone.

I am not a girl with a nose ring or a girl who is mean. I have my own circle.

But on different days, I taste lilac on the tip of my tongue.

I think of the days when it grew in my own garden and how it took a long time to weed all of it out.

I think of the shame thinking that it grew from my own self.

So I swallow it.

And I make my own circle in the diagram.