Shit Backpackers Say
This post originally appeared on BucketListly Blog.
Be warned: The post is filled with beautiful language I used for comedic purpose. Please do not get offended by it.
When you have been traveling for almost 3 years, you are bound to meet some obnoxious people at one point. Last week, I had the opportunity to experience the full moon party on Koh Phangan. The whole experience was alien to me and deserves a separate article about it, but during my time on the island, I had a chance to peek into these people’s minds and boy was it not worth it.
Imagine a guy name Steve. He is a white buff dude with visible tattoos on his right shoulder and his chest. He loves to wear neon colored tank tops and walks around the island half naked. He also loves to party and get high on life (drugs). These are the things Steve likes to say..
1. “I Had the Best Night Ever!”
I asked Steve what did he do last night and he said “Dude, I was so drunk I did not remember a thing!”. Now, one has to wonder, how the fuck did he have the best night ever if he could not remember a thing the next morning?
2. “Dude, I was so hungover I slept all day today.”
Good for you, Steve. Good for you. You basically spent your limited days in Thailand on a night you don’t remember and the next day recovering from it. Really sounds like you had a great time!
3. “Oh, I’m going to stay in Thailand forever.”
Sure you will, Steve. I’m sure the immigration police will love to hear how much you want to stay in Thailand and party away your life in your prison cell.
4. “I will never stop traveling.”
Until you have to go back to your country, grind your way through college, join the rat race to become a functional citizen, and never ever backpack again. I’ve heard this before.
5. “I’m gonna sleep with a local tonight.”
I love how determined you are, Steve. I also love how you said you like traveling because you love to experience new culture and want to make the world a better place and yet you treat the locals like they are sex objects.
6. “Oh man, this reminds me of the time..”
Here we go again. Steve, can you at least let the person talking finishes his/her story?
7. “No, no, no! I’m not gonna pay a 100 baht for a taxi.”
I know the price is ridiculous especially on Koh Phangan but wasn’t that the price you agreed upon before you got on the taxi? Everyone is paying the same amount and you don’t see them making a fuzz about it.
8. “Oh everyone eats insects in Thailand”
Fuck no. I live in Bangkok for 20+ years and I ate insects once out of a dare. The only place I found selling insects is on Khaosarn Road which is dubbed the Backpacker’s street. They sell it there because they know that only tourists like Steve would be crazy enough to try it. We actually laugh at people like Steve who tried it and think that everyone in Thailand eats it. You are the only one who is eating it, foolish Steve.
9. “Fucking Thai people, they are all the same.”
Steve, you are a fucking racist.
10. “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi”
Do you really have to chant that around the island on a taxi while pounding on the side of the pick-up truck like a maniac every time you get drunk? It’s fucking annoying and it is disturbing and disrespecting the locals!
Don’t Be Like Steve
Don’t get me wrong, I am a backpacker myself and through the years, I may have done a couple of things listed above but that doesn’t mean one can not change and grow out of it. Don’t be like Steve.
P.S. If your name is Steve, I apologize! I needed a name and Steve came to mind first.
