The story of how I found a random Dom on fetlife to command me to do my homework, and save me from certain doom.
I spent a month touring around Western Canada with a band I’m in — it was a lot of work but lots of excitement and I ended it in a pretty good mood. When I got home I had mountains of work to do around the house and writing my thesis. When I have a lot to do, I tend to work myself weary and really neglect social time. Plus I broke up with two people I’d been dating recently, actually both in the same day, so that was emotionally exhausting.
Over the past two months, I’d gotten super horny. Somehow my life was full of parties, sexy dancing, cuddle puddles, nude swimming, and flirtation, but no sex! I made out with three different people — very frustrating because they were being so gentle and all I craved was pain. One of them did end up letting me suck his dick, but he was hungover and not very responsive.
And another of them… well, we decided it was best for us not to have sex. But he found out how much I love to be teased, and just tortured me with it. He would bite my neck, just once… then leave me standing there, weak in the knees. We spent time together and did some intense emotional bonding. Once, he took his cock out and let me touch it for about 10 seconds, then put it away. Geez louise…
Anyway, I was really horny but then I spent a week just repressing my sexuality while doing a bunch of work at home alone.
One evening, I couldn’t handle it anymore and knew I needed to decompress. I gave myself a free evening to do whatever. Uh oh — I felt myself coming down with a strong case of the Lonely Submissive.
If anyone knows the technical term for this, please let me know — right now I’m only aware of my own personal experience with this accursed affliction.
It’s a scary state of mind. Emotionally, it feels like I’ve been tied up in rope, I feel scared and vulnerable, but there’s no one there to protect or comfort me. Of course the rope is just in my mind, but I still feel immobilized, lying on my bed. I feel completely drained of motivation or initiative to do anything. My self-discipline is just vanished — it becomes very difficult to do basic tasks, like getting out of bed or eating. My inner self — that vulnerable scared sensitive crybaby, bursts out to the surface, as if to say “You’ve been ignoring me for far too long!”
I’ve been stuck in this mode for weeks before, and trust me, it’s not fun. One time I remember, this state was triggered by a very deeply emotional rope session. It was one of my first times getting tied up and it brought out a lot of new feelings. The next day, my partner and I got lunch together, and then we parted. As I went home by myself… I started to realize that I was still in that “tied-up” mindstate.
It sucks to feel submissive when there’s no one to tell you what to do.
Anyway, here I was feeling myself sink into this sub-state… here we go again. Dammit, how will I ever finish my thesis now? How many days will it last, this time? Thinking about sex just made it worse… normally I appear to be very sexually confident, but on the inside, sex is a topic that deeply frightens me. The more I noticed how much I wanted sex, the more terrified I became.
Lying on my bed, I remembered about a website called FetLife so I decided to go on there and look for advice. I put up a profile picture, and created a long rambling post where I was trying to ask advice about three or four different problems at once, because I wasn’t sure which was my main problem. I sorted out a lot of my thoughts by writing it and responding to the feedback. Here’s the post:
I wrote about how I wish I could masturbate but I can’t because when I’m alone I get scared of sex, and my own touch is either a bother or a bore.
I mentioned that I wished someone would make me feel safe, and tell me how to touch myself.
A few minutes later a message lands in my inbox.. “Do you enjoy following instructions?”
I had posted in a group for women only, but it appears this domly man had seen my post and replied directly.
Hmmm.. I was starting to like this FetLife place.
I replied, “yes,” and started slowly chatting. Every message he sent made me tremble and cry, and jolts of pain shot through my body.
It was good pain. Somehow this guy is a long-distance sadist. He instructed me to thank him for the tears and the pain.
The next morning I told him that I was having a difficult day — there was no way I could write my thesis, because I was still drained of motivation.
He asked, “Can I help.”
Hmm… I realized that yes he could help me! I would do my work willingly, if i could do it for him. If I was good, he could reward me at the end of the day.
IT WORKED. I got so much done!!!
Well, I did procrastinate a little bit. By looking at some sexy pictures on fetlife. Sir was quick to punish me for this when I reported back to him at the end of the day.
Then he instructed me to do some self-tying with rope. It was super fun! Something I’d read about, but never actually considered doing before. Since I don’t always want to touch my vulva directly, the rope was a perfect alternative.
I took some extra sexy pix and sent to him.
He let his guard down for the first time ever, and just responded “wow.”
Shortly thereafter, he disappeared. Gone.
I waited for him to come back, and foolishly fell asleep with the rope still on. Oops! After an hour I woke up, untied myself, and went back to bed.
He never returned. It’s actually worrisome, but I don’t have any other way to contact him.
Well, if he died, at least it was in a moment of pleasure.
Despite Sir’s disappearance, I’m happy to report that he really brought me out of the pit I was in. My willpower to work has returned, and I’ve re-connected with the dominant side of my own personality.
Wherever you are — thank you!
Cross-posted to FetLife: https://fetlife.com/users/7162089/posts/4596204