Silence!

Pause for applause

Do you know what you do with your hands? We need to tell you, don’t we?

Arguably the most powerful speaking tool is silence. Every time you walk into a room and talk on the phone you’re on stage. How you appear affects your credibility.

In order to succeed, it’s important to be tuned in to your own non-verbal cues. We know that a face acutely expresses countless emotions without saying a word. Many expressions are universal. All your posture, stance and subtle movements send plenty of information to the rest of the world. So it’s a good idea to take time to be still. The all important question is: what’s your story? Why should anyone care? Two techniques to master and win over your listener are:

(1) Use “stillness” — it’s power

(2) Don’t diminish your position

The pause is the most potent weapon. It will help:

(1) Sharpen

(2) Refine

(3) Fine-tune

What you have to say. Its effects:

(1) Contemplation — letting the words to sink in allowing others to assimilate, unify on a concept or even strategically, yet silently you win a negotiation.

(2) Anticipation — build suspense or deliver a well-timed punch-line.

(3) Draws your audience in — a ‘silent wait’ at the very start of your talk or conversation increases the attention you receive.

(4) Emphasis — in non-face-to face conversations you can highlight or add bold facing to a word, phrase or sentence. When speaking it’s infinitely more powerful to use the pause for emphasis.

If you are on the phone with someone you have no choice but to rely on audible cues. To gain a responsive pause after saying someone’s name, or after hearing doubt or even an objection. Then simply wait. Let it work for you — then close.

A useful example

When you are getting up, move to the edge of the seat, pause, then get up. Likewise when walking, point the way you are going, and then step.

Pausing sends a signal to other people, letting them process what you are about to do and so reduces the chance of them being surprised or worried. This is just one way that confident people inspire confidence in others.

Your actions should confirm what you say.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”

Pauses are crucial

When writing that’s what punctuation is for. The opposite is true when we are speaking, no one sees the punctuation marks, but we show the grouping by inserting slight pauses. Here is an example that clearly shows the impact of a pause used in a few different ways:

“It’s over between us.”(Pause) “You can have the roses if you want.”

“You can have the roses (Pause) if you want.”

“You can have the (Pause) roses (Pause) if you want.”

“You can (Pause) have the roses (Pause) if you want.”

Stop fidgeting

Your small, repetitive, persistent hand, facial or both movements while you’re talking are not amusing and don’t make you look more knowledgeable. We all know that colleague, friend or boss with an annoying habit — yes, everything from tapping fingers on the table and drumming your hands on legs to playing with your wristwatch or bracelet. Do you know what you do with your hands? We [your listeners] need to tell you, don’t we? Oh don’t let’s play with the arm of a chair! I could go even further and bring in the unhygienic face-touching, cracking knuckles, the hair-flip, nose-touching, dismissive shoulder shrug or much more.

If you don’t have an itch — don’t do it!

It can be un-learned.

Take some time to record and watch yourself speak. Understand what unconscious problem habits you have and work to drop the habit.

Be still — exude confidence

When others think you are confident, they tend to trust and believe you a little more. Although seen as uncomfortable and unsettling by some, use silence to persuade with power. The body speaks — it’s vital to understand body language. From child to senior citizen we read other people all day long. Think about the last time you gave a talk at a staff meeting, held a face-to-face conversation with a friend or pitched a sales presentation in front of a group, did you win them over, talk them into going with your product or bring them around to having a change of heart? It seemed you couldn’t convince them, sell them or get them to see it your way? Let’s assume you were knowledgeable about the topic, you might even have thought you delivered it well, but you lost them or for all one knows you received no response at all.

Quiet often the most powerful person in the room is the one most comfortable with silence.

Any unnecessary movement attracts attention. It will distract.

Want to project charisma and confidence?

Be still.

Let me know what works for you?