This is a story about epiphany and climax

Pedro Pellicano
Nov 2 · 7 min read

It’s a pretty basic common sense that we all have our traumas. They come in an enormous varites of forms and intensities. The very especific one that I want to tell you today begins with my youngerself in fifth grade.

Back them I was almost failling Literature cause of an assignment that I didn’t do… (or a few of then in this case). In order not to have to do the whole subject again next year I had to write some sort of essay, describing the best I could, what a few “things” meant.

Since that day I can still remember two of them very clearly, as you might have guessed it right — Epiphany and Climax.

Long story short, Epiphany is that moment of a deep realization, when everything just seems to make sense out of blue, it is as, somehow, you could suddenly see, what before you could not.

And Climax, at least on a novel, film or whatever, is the point of most action, where the charecters are actively engaging on something in a very intenseve way.



I believe that in life we can have as many climaxes and epiphanies as we want. But in order to do so, we must face our demons.

And, fuck… They will fight back.

After all, a tremendous amount of energy is needed, in order to be able of seeing especific events in different perspectives.

Certain drugs can help, and you can fucking bet on that.

This is not an invitation for the use of any kind of substances that could might interfere with the normal function your Central Nervous System: Drugs, dãrr…

Instead, this is a story about an Epiphany facilitated by the use of MDMA.

For the ones that are not aware of it, a very short disclaimer, this drug will change how your brain deals with — certain Neurotransmitters — . Making the user more empathic, less afraid, more energetic and way more sociable.

Of course there is a cost for all of that, your temperataure will rise a lot, you will be very thirsty and extremely awaken for hours.

Yeah, the feeling is kind of indescribable though. It is for a fact, extremely addictive as well.

I will leave a link for a more complete analysis of MDMA, here.

Getting back to my story now.

Last year I lived a very traumatic event during the show of two Brazilian Djs that I like a lot.

I saw my ex girlfriend kissing a guy at the middle of the dancefloor when I was getting back from the bathroom.

I felt like my heart was being stabbed by a very sharp knife.

And way worse, was to know later, that he was not a random dude, but someone she was seeing before me…

Yeah, I bet you can imagine how awful that night was.

When I saw that she was kissing someone, at first, I could just not believe…

Then I gathered all my strengths, walked to her, gently putted my hand on hair head, and when she turned to look at me, I just said that I was leaving and stormed out of the party in tears…

Once I got to the car she had called me a few times already. I was so frustrated but still wanted to be “somehow superior” (?), on the whole ongoing situation, and accepted to meet her at the entrance of the party.

We walked together to my car. After a few minutes of her trying to explain herself, and telling that she was really high on drugs and etc, I got fed up and asked her to leave.

Fourtnatly, I was able to find a friend at the entrance of the party that drove my car for me. It was around 7 in the morning when we got at his place, we had been talking about the “incident” the whole way back.

My ex was like crazy trying to reach me but I didn’t want to reply to any of her attempts. You know what was the worst part in all of that? She had said “I love you” to me just a couple weeks earlier.

And it was the first time that anyone have ever said that to me. It sucks…



After a long talk the very next day, I did decide to get back together, and to try to forgive her.

I don’t regret my decision whatsoever. We had an amazing time together for the next couple of months.

But I forgot the most important. That is not to blame myself for what had happened… As if somehow it was my fault and that I could have avoided that to happen. Not true at all.

Ok, now that I have ilustrated with enough details all that happened, we can get to what this text story is actually all about… Yeah, I know. Sorry for that.

Quick side note: I might have been living in Lisbon for the last 10 months, and so does my ex. She came first and I followed, 3 weeks later. We haven’t spoken in the last 3 of them. Cause I chose not to and yeah, I needed a break. Everything was getting so confusing as we were seeing each-other a lot but not actually dating again

Trying to be friends was not working, as we could all assume, and it wouldn’t be fair with myself if I kept that going for any longer. Do not get me wrong, I do like her, but I just kind of decided that I like myself more, you know? That’s an epiphany by the way.


Anyway, last friday I went to a concert, here in Lisbon, where the same two Brazilian Djs played.

It was all thought in order to, somehow, make myself get over that “trauma”. I went there with that intention in mind, I was prepared to face my deamons.

For months I have had problems with low self-esteem, always thinking that I am not enough. Having trouble on getting her out of my mind, as if I would never get anyone as good…

I was fucking fed up of all that shit. Just wanted to fell like myself once again.


I invited two friends of mine to come with me and I bought some MDMA and a bunch of weed. At the very night of the event I found out that 3 friends from Brazil were in Lisbon only for that night and were planning to go to the party as well.

I quickly managed to arrange for us to meet at the door before going inside.

We got there around 1 am and smoked a joint right at the entrance.

Once inside, we went directly to the bar and bought some water bottles and a couple of beers.

After a few minutes of having taken the MDMA we all started to feel this good wave of energy, provided by the drug, as you can imagine.

It was around 3 am when they started their set. And, to be honest, I don’t record that much of the show itself. I went to a very introspective moment of my own, with my eyes closed, just hearing the sounds and felling all the sensations around me. I felt alive.

But I do remember the amazing vibe that a felt together with my friends, they being there made everything just way better that I could have ever wished for. I felt as I was having my soul washed out of all the “bad things”.

Quoting a very good film, The Perks of being Wallflower — “at that moment I was infinite”.

“I didn’t waste any time”
“All of my focus we’re into enjoying a lot that moment…”

I didn’t waist any time thinking specifically at the previous show, all of my focus were into enjoying that moment right there. And all the sensations that were flooding my body.

That, my friends, was the Climax presenting itself.

As there set was finally over, my friends had to leave on a hurry to get a plane to Madrid. They were still fucking high. Until this day I am not quite sure on how did they manage to get there in one piece.


At the door, while we were waiting for their Uber to come, we found my other friend that I haven’t really seen since the beginning of the night.

She was on the floor, next to the door, with her date. Both of them pretty drunk still.

From right there, out of nowhere, she asked me with a big smile on her face: “Are you happy?”.

And the epiphany strikes all over again… I had finally realized that, I am, happy and very capable or realizing evrything that I dream of.

(That might sound quite dumb/silly, I know… But yeah, it is what it is and just get over it.)

I ended up walking alone for almost an hour, until I finally reached somewhere nice to see the sunrise for a couple of minutes.

We all have our traumas and our ways of dealing with them. Just make sure to face it somehow. But don’t worrie, take your own time. After all, it took me one year to go after that one…

It is — sometimes — nice to have a little help to see the world differently.

But, kids! Please… Remember: stay away from drugs.

Pedro Pellicano

Written by

Vital few against the trivial many.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade