My Heart and Yours are One by Janet Lynch.

Have Fun to Be a Successful Single Mom

6 min readFeb 16, 2018

By PeggySue Wells

“I’m taking your sister driving,” I announced to my family one evening. “To get her license she needs to learn to parallel park.”

There was a chorus of “I’m coming too,” and six other children in addition to my driver-in-training loaded into our 15-passenger van. My driver-in-training was known for being spastic and we were not disappointed as she surged forward and slammed on the brakes all the way out our long driveway.

In the empty school parking lot, the ride reached the level of a Disney rollercoaster. We laughed until our sides ached, our face muscles hurt, and someone, though I am not mentioning names, wet her pants. And in that peak moment of hilarity, clouds of tension and months-long sadness gave way to the bright wholeness that comes with belly-deep laughter. It had been a long time — months — since their dad had left and months since we had laughed.

You Are Not Alone

As a single mom, myself, I imagine you could use an extra large scoop of hope, authenticity, and friendship. As a single mom and the daughter of a single mom, I imagine you are hungry for simple tips and ideas to improve life by noon.

My guess is that your happily ever after didn’t turn out as you imagined and when much that is precious has been marred, your tender heart longs to honor the holy and sacred. We want the assurance that God sees us, loves us and our children unconditionally, and we are not alone. In the aftermath of too many broken promises, I long to know, really know, that God’s promises are true.

Single moms have the same concerns as other parents. We want to nurture healthy children who get an exemplary education, marry well, live full and contributing lives, and maybe welcome us into that invitation-only Grammy Award club when the cutest baby in the world arrives and calls us “grammy.” And you are sometimes, maybe a lot of times, wondering how to complete taxes, shop for the best auto and home insurance, and replace the leaky bathroom fixture. The washer doesn’t spin, the dishwasher doesn’t clean, your child needs braces, and you wonder how in the world you will make all the decisions that each day requires.

Fact versus Fiction

There are common assumptions about single moms, but the facts will encourage you. The idea that most single moms

· chose to raise their kids solo

· had children outside of marriage

· are unemployed

· receive government assistance

is more fiction than fact.

Reality for single moms is

· Time. You don’t have any

· You don’t really fit in an established age or season of life

· You don’t fit within established women’s roles

· You wish the cleaning fairy would pop in weekly, make everything sparkling clean and leave something delicious simmering in the oven

· You often feel isolated, judged, and alone

The Facts

Yet you are far from alone. The facts for single moms include:

· Some 15 million single parents are raising 22 million children in single parent families

· 85 percent of single-parent families are led by custodial single moms

· Approximately 40 percent of single mothers are over 40 years old

· Half are divorced or separated

· More than 50 percent are raising one child

· More than three-fourth are gainfully employed, and most work full time

· One-third of single parent homes are at, or below, poverty level

· Less than half receive child support

· The average child support to single moms is $6,000 per year

· Less than half of single moms receive government assistance. And many single moms who do receive government assistance do only for a limited time until they can survive on their own.

Each family’s structure and story is unique, yet overall the majority of single parents began in committed relationships and never expected, anticipated, or intended to raise their children alone. While the numbers of children being raised in single parent homes are primarily divorce-driven, there is a growing percent of babies in the United States born to mothers who have never been married, a reflection of the cultural trend of acceptance of sex outside marriage. Some single mothers were widowed when their husband took an early journey home.

The ability to make wise, discerning decisions is a skill that all parents need, and single moms have a unique set of circumstances that beg for excellent decision-making. The challenge is that single moms are often too overwhelmed to focus when we most need to. The single mom works hard, loves her children, and longs for someone to be strong for her, to love and care for her as she cares for her children.

I applaud the dogged determination of brave women in difficult circumstances. Promises that have comforted me include:

· You are cherished, exactly as you are and where you are, by Christ Jesus. “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God, (Ephesians 3:17b-19).

· When you are weak, he is strong. “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold,” (Psalm 18:2).

· He loved you before you knew him. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb,” (Psalm 139:13).

· He gives gentle guidance to single moms. “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young,” (Isaiah 4:11).

Decide to Have Fun

Thankfully, life for the single mom and her family is not all hard. Gratitude and joy are the flip side of serious and a lot more fun.

Studies show that people who include fun and play in their lives are more forgiving of themselves and others, more optimistic, healthier, and have an easier time receiving and giving love. We were created to play and laugh; to cry and express sadness; to recover from loss and grief; and to handle anger correctly. Emotional maturity is a key characteristic to a balanced and solid life.

Fun and laughter are a natural side effect of trust. Trust is born when your child has the certainty that

· Mom cares

· Mom responds appropriately with love either tender or tough

· Mom is in charge

· Mom protects

· Mom establishes fair boundaries and rules during the preschool years that make the teen years safer

· Mom gives clear and gentle instruction about what is right and what is wrong

· Mom is available. Your child may not always remember what you said, but will remember that you were there to say it.

Moms set the emotional tone for the home. I’m not saying this responsibility is easy but it is the truth. Guard your emotional health and your child’s with plenty of opportunity to love, laugh, and engage in fun.