What I learned from these 4 days
Day 1: Sorry Jane* I couldn’t come to work…………..
Sorry Michelle*(my employer) I may not come to work………….
Day 2: Sorry Michelle* I am not feeling well….
Her replied: Can you come back to work in the afternoon? As you know we are……………
I tried to explain my reason. I tried to negotiate about staying back later and coming back on weekend to work. I waited and waited. No reply from her.
Hi Jane* I am not feeling well just like yesterday….
No reply from her.
Day 3:
-Uploaded Medical Certificate for day 3 and day 4- on whatapp work group chat.
Michelle*: If you are ok, can you come back to work tomorrow?
I replied: I will try if I can.
June*: Hello speedy recovery to u.
I replied: thank you :) you too!
June*: I am unfit from work as hospital declared it for a week.
I replied: oh. does Michelle* asks you to come back to work?
June*: Nopes she didnt. Or maybe havent yet.
Day 4:
I was whatapp-ing my team. When I was talking about work tasks, I feel as I was treated as nothing has happened to me.
Pseudonym* to protect their identify
Does all these sounds familiar to you? Being sick seems like normal part of life. After taking medications, you will back to normal. People expect you to function back at work and in life.
The truth about what exactly happened and emotions going through:
Day 1: I woke up and prepared myself for work. I was almost done with preparation. Suddenly I was having negative thoughts. I started to feel my heart beating very fast. I feel extremely anxious. I do not want to leave my house. Maybe after a rest today. I will feel better.
I slept back so I don’t wish to think about it. I slept back the entire day. I ordered food delivery so I don’t need to leave the house. I managed to wake up just for food and shower.
Day 2: I woke up having negative thoughts again. The same cycle repeated: anxious leads not to want to get out of house. This time I was feeling very disappointed in myself. I was asking myself why. It is the second day of not going to work.
Incoming whatapp message: Can you come back to work in the afternoon?
I went back to sleep. Hopefully those hurtful words will go away. I slept back the entire day again.
Despite of what I tried to explain to her what happen. She knows about my condition#. I felt so disappointed in myself and her.
Day 3: I woke up and managed to lift my dumb bells. I always workout before work. When I was halfway through lifting the dumb bells, I stopped.
I stared at the wall. I whatapp my friend for help and tears rolled down. I just could not work. I feel anxious again.
This time I knew I have to get out of house to get Medical Certificate. It took me 1.5 hours to see a doctor. When a teenager asked me a question, ‘Where is block _ _ _?’ I looked at her ‘Wait. let me think. ’ Before I could give an answer, she replied is okay she knows where it is.
During night time, I was happy to receive a message from a colleague who is sick yet concern for me. When I realized she was physically sick, she did not ask to call back from work. It strikes me hard.
Does Mental Health is not as important as Physical health?
Do I really have to say how bad are my negative thoughts? I do not want to scare or affect anyone.
However, I really thank God. Through worship songs, it calms me without having negative thoughts haunting me back.
Day 4: When I woke up, I thought is the time I should do something happy for myself. The moment I stood up, I was having gastric. I vomited out slightly. My cold sweat dripped onto the floor. My menses cramp is killing me.
Thankfully now my physical pain is less painful now. I would say manageable.
Yes it may be the time of the month for me. PMS is common for ladies to feel moody and etc. However, I need to manage twice as much compared to other ladies. I have to handle my physical (high chances of gastric and cramps) and mental health (managing of mood way before menses).
#Cyclothymia — or cyclothymic disorder — is a relatively mild mood disorder. In cyclothymic disorder, moods swing between short periods of mild depression and hypomania, an elevated mood. The low and high mood swings never reach the severity or duration of major depressive or full mania episodes. You can read more under http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/cyclothymia-cyclothymic-disorder

Grit is what I need overcome these four days. I only know I am getting stronger each time I face challenges.
Resilience is what I need to return to work to face everyone.
Hope is essential as unpleasant things are happening for me. (I just received a news that our major task at work is postponed to September!)
Faith is to hold on when I could not see light in my tunnel. (Worship songs help me to manage my mood)
