You’re right where you’re supposed to be…
What happens when life just doesn’t go as planned and you end up in places and situations that just weren’t part of your master plan, ‘the grand scheme of things?’
I sometimes use quotes and inspirational mantras, I pray, I chant, I talk to myself, I talk to others, I read books and articles which inspire me and I often think of the little gems of knowledge and wisdom which have been shared by my nearest and dearest over the years. The one that resonates the most is ‘You are where you’re supposed to be right now’. So, over the past few months, I’ve been repeating these nine words, reassuring myself, rationalizing and trying to maintain.
My conversation with myself went something like this, “so, this is all supposed to make sense?…of course I’m supposed to be here, because I’m here, I mean where else would I be?…But why here? Why am I going through this? Is this some kind of test? What lesson am I supposed to learn from this? How is this supposed to change my life? WHEN will it all change?”
A few days later, I had this conversation with a friend of mine who tells me that during a conversation with her therapist, the nine word gem was also dropped on her, but this time with a twist. She was told ‘You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. You’re worried about the future and you don’t even know if you have next week.’ That’s real talk if I’ve ever heard it. Our conversation inspired me to write this piece. Our conversation went to another level as we spoke about being raised in metropolitan cities which are fast paced and competitive and how our experiences have shaped our opinions, self-criticism and questioning about where ‘should’ be instead of where we ‘are.’
For me, it has always been a challenge to stay present. Psychotherapy training challenged me to do this, but, once I walked out the door, the struggle began. My mind races, I have plans, 101 entrepreneurial ideas, goals, dreams (the life of an Aquarian) and just sh*t to do! However, recent events in my life have brought me to a place I never dreamed I would be and I am truly humbled by it. It’s not a bad place, it just wasn’t part of my plan. Not for one moment have I given up on my plans and dreams, but, I have been forced to slow down, live day by day, not plan too much, appreciate what I have and what I don’t have just doesn’t matter so much.
So, I am struggling with being in an unfamiliar place. I am fighting the feeling of failurism (my word) but I know I can’t give up trying. Just living every day and hoping that things suddenly change so that my life suddenly becomes how I imagined it to be is what I typically do. Then, I wake up and I bring myself back to square one, the present.
I have learned so much about myself and the person I am becoming. From talking to others I have also realized how hard we can be on ourselves when we compare, when we plan but don’t execute, when we miss the mark by a mile and when we just don’t live up to our own expectations. What’s the big deal? Don’t we just get back up and start again? What’s the worst that can happen?
So, when things aren’t what or where you want them to be, maybe they’re just meant to be where they are and what they are.