Does Anyone Care if I’m Here?

penguinswander
Jul 30, 2018 · 4 min read

Sometimes it can feel lonely at a party

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Image for post
Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Low Spirits

I called my friend on the phone and talked for awhile. He thought that I should just stay home. But I countered that I had bought the ticket to this party a month ago for twenty bucks. I had spent the last year getting to know the people who would be at it. I felt that I had made some new friends so I wanted to at least make an appearance.

I had done my chores early in the day so that I’d be able to go out. I didn’t want to leave my dog at home alone for too long so I wasn’t rushing out the door. I didn’t really want to go to the part outside in the afternoon. The dancing part would be enough.

Before I went, I had a shower because I was sweaty from how hot the day had been. I’ve been waiting a month to get the air conditioner fixed. The repair guy said he’d have to come back a third time since it would take an extra hour or two to fix. The king valve, that separates the inside system from the outside system, was broken.They would have to drain the entire system and replace the refrigerant. So I was hot and bothered. By the time I was ready it was 9 o’clock. The party was scheduled to go until 1 am not that I thought I would be staying that late.

The theme of the party was steampunk. I looked in my closet for inspiration. I found a pair of hippie style capris. I tried them on but the were a touch tight. I discovered an outfit that I bought in 2015 in Old Tucson, Arizona where many of the old western movies, like ones starring John Wayne, were shot. There were wide bright red capris with a string tie waste, a white ruffly camisole, and a black jacket with puffy wide sleeves. It felt good to be finally wearing it instead of having just dropped money on it and gotten no use out of it. The entire three pieces are 100% cotton. I thought at the time that would be good to have for fire-spinning. I have a real cameo somewhere but no idea where it is. A search through my jewellery box popped up a blue and white delft lighthouse scarf clip. I attached it to the top center of the blouse and it looked good. Then I reached to the top of my bookcase and retrieved my black coachman hat with black lace and red roses. I was finally ready to head out.

Off to the party

I continued inside, and there were even more people. There were three times as many people as from the last party I attended there. I spoke with a friend I hadn’t seen for awhile. She didn’t know many people there either. Then her tea cup was empty so she went into the kitchen to get more water. Then she started to speak with another friend.

By this point I realized that it was sweltering inside, and I was uncomfortable. I didn’t see anybody else that I knew. I still wasn’t feeling well so maybe it was best to leave. I’d made an appearance like I wanted to, I’d checked out the party but now I was done. I picked up my bag, hat, and jacket and made my way back outside. I saw one of my new friends sitting outside deep in conversation. I had decided to go home so I just kept going. I headed home in the car, and was relieved to get back to the companionship of my puppy.

Part of the reason I forced myself to go was that I’m a loner. I don’t socialize a great deal. It just wasn’t the right environment to be in while I was depressed. A smaller quieter atmosphere would suit me better. They’ll have some of those sometime and it’ll turn out better for me. It wasn’t them. It was me.

This is how hermits are made.

penguinswander

Written by

Carolyn Pullman - Travel videographer emphasizing nature and art. #travel #nature #art #creativity #lifelessons. http://penguinswanderlust.com/

penguinswander

Written by

Carolyn Pullman - Travel videographer emphasizing nature and art. #travel #nature #art #creativity #lifelessons. http://penguinswanderlust.com/

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