Does Anyone Care if I’m Here?

Sometimes it can feel lonely at a party

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Low Spirits

I was feeling down in the afternoon. So much so that I ate way too much. I made Fried Mince which is a Scottish hamburger dish that my mother used to make. I hadn’t had it in many years. I used two small packages of beef, and a can of condensed potato soup. There was only one serving bowl left after I chomped through about three bowlfuls. I almost felt bulimic from the guilt of allowing myself to overeat so much. I hadn’t felt that way for decades. But I was upset.

I called my friend on the phone and talked for awhile. He thought that I should just stay home. But I countered that I had bought the ticket to this party a month ago for twenty bucks. I had spent the last year getting to know the people who would be at it. I felt that I had made some new friends so I wanted to at least make an appearance.

I had done my chores early in the day so that I’d be able to go out. I didn’t want to leave my dog at home alone for too long so I wasn’t rushing out the door. I didn’t really want to go to the part outside in the afternoon. The dancing part would be enough.

Before I went, I had a shower because I was sweaty from how hot the day had been. I’ve been waiting a month to get the air conditioner fixed. The repair guy said he’d have to come back a third time since it would take an extra hour or two to fix. The king valve, that separates the inside system from the outside system, was broken.They would have to drain the entire system and replace the refrigerant. So I was hot and bothered. By the time I was ready it was 9 o’clock. The party was scheduled to go until 1 am not that I thought I would be staying that late.

The theme of the party was steampunk. I looked in my closet for inspiration. I found a pair of hippie style capris. I tried them on but the were a touch tight. I discovered an outfit that I bought in 2015 in Old Tucson, Arizona where many of the old western movies, like ones starring John Wayne, were shot. There were wide bright red capris with a string tie waste, a white ruffly camisole, and a black jacket with puffy wide sleeves. It felt good to be finally wearing it instead of having just dropped money on it and gotten no use out of it. The entire three pieces are 100% cotton. I thought at the time that would be good to have for fire-spinning. I have a real cameo somewhere but no idea where it is. A search through my jewellery box popped up a blue and white delft lighthouse scarf clip. I attached it to the top center of the blouse and it looked good. Then I reached to the top of my bookcase and retrieved my black coachman hat with black lace and red roses. I was finally ready to head out.

Off to the party

Since I wouldn’t be drinking I just took the car instead of getting dropped off and picked up or having to wait for a bus. When I got there I had to park down a block but it wasn’t too far to walk. There were a few people leaving as I arrived but I didn’t know them. Then I saw someone that I knew who was an organizer. She showed me where the door in was and suggested taking some of the swag like a pirate button so I did. I like pirate stuff. Although it may have just been King George with a fancy hat. I wound my way around the nooks and crannies outside to the back where there was a delightful small rectangular swimming pool. I wouldn’t mind one like that. Only a couple of people were in the pool on floaties. It was 10 pm and that’s when they were going to move the party indoors.

I continued inside, and there were even more people. There were three times as many people as from the last party I attended there. I spoke with a friend I hadn’t seen for awhile. She didn’t know many people there either. Then her tea cup was empty so she went into the kitchen to get more water. Then she started to speak with another friend.

By this point I realized that it was sweltering inside, and I was uncomfortable. I didn’t see anybody else that I knew. I still wasn’t feeling well so maybe it was best to leave. I’d made an appearance like I wanted to, I’d checked out the party but now I was done. I picked up my bag, hat, and jacket and made my way back outside. I saw one of my new friends sitting outside deep in conversation. I had decided to go home so I just kept going. I headed home in the car, and was relieved to get back to the companionship of my puppy.

Part of the reason I forced myself to go was that I’m a loner. I don’t socialize a great deal. It just wasn’t the right environment to be in while I was depressed. A smaller quieter atmosphere would suit me better. They’ll have some of those sometime and it’ll turn out better for me. It wasn’t them. It was me.

This is how hermits are made.

An online gaming friend had invited me to play a game but I said I was going to a party. I think I may just skip parties for awhile to stay home, and play online. This is probably how people become hermits.